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My knuckles tingled as if they wanted to tap out a confession. Something inside me, deep under ribs and bone, wasscreaming the opposite: that I already knew which door I had to open, even if every part of me trembled at the thought.
All I could think of was Leon.
Even my subconscious seemed to be working against me.
Last night, I had my first sexual dream in years.
Of course, Leon was front and center. His voice was low and gentle, his hands exploring every part of me I’d shut off for so long. In the dream, our bodies seamlessly aligned. A warmth surged through every nerve ending, creating a pleasurable ache in my chest.
I’d been blissfully slumbering throughout the night, kissing Leon, touching Leon…letting him touch me. We’d done everything, and he’d made me orgasm over and over.
When morning came, I woke to tangled sheets and a damp stain seeping through my pajamas. My skin felt hot, every nerve ending raw with yearning. I lay there, heart hammering, with frustration that what I’d held so vividly in sleep had slipped away at dawn. And in that moment, I knew I wasn’t ready to hide from what my heart was demanding.
In Prague, my fascination with the opposite sex had soared to new heights. Under the guise of a new identity, I granted myself the liberty to delve into the vast landscape of sexual experiences, engaging with a variety of lovers. It was there that I came into my own, shedding layers of inhibition and shyness, embracing a newfound curiosity and desire. Each encounter felt like a revelation, a celebration of my sexual awakening.
Though my adventures might have seemed promiscuous, I approached each encounter with discernment, carefullyselecting my partners and ensuring that I remained vigilant about safety, taking numerous precautions.
Most of these escapades were kept hidden from my sisters, aware that their perception of me as their timid little sister who required constant protection would clash with the reality of my newfound freedom. To them, I remained a fragile figure in need of safeguarding, but I saw myself as a vibrant woman at the pinnacle of her awakening sexuality.
However, the assault shattered that world completely. The sense of security I once felt, even within the confines of my own being, vanished, leaving me resigned to the belief that true safety in a man’s embrace was an impossibility.
The mere thought of such intimacy turned my stomach, filling me with unease and discomfort…
Until Leon entered my life.
The dream I had about Leon stirred something within me. Maybe my earlier conviction that I would never again feel attraction was misplaced. All it took was the right person to enter my life.
The fact that thoughts of him occupied my mind even in sleep suggested a shift. Since waking from that dream, my thoughts had been a whirlwind of curiosity about what being with Leon might truly entail.
Would he be the type to linger in bed, savoring the exploration of each other’s bodies with leisurely patience?
Or would he approach intimacy with a sense of urgency and efficiency?
Every fiber of my being hoped for the former.His warmth and genuine nature hinted at someone who relished long, unhurried days entwined in the sheets.
The prospect was both exhilarating and soothing, offering a sense of comfort that I had long yearned for. The idea of resting in his arms, enveloped in the safety he seemed to exude, was deeply appealing, sparking a sense of longing and anticipation within me.
“I’m not rushing you, of course,” she said, her voice calm. “But I saw how you reacted to Dominic when you first met.”
My heart thudded. I pressed both hands to the edge of my chair to steady myself. “And?”
Her words pulled at the knot in my stomach. Dominic. I’d have to tell him soon that he was out of the running—an awkward conversation I couldn’t stop dreading.
Avra folded her arms and leaned forward. “I did some more digging on my own.”
“Did you?” My eyebrow shot up.
Laya closed her book and set it on the side table. “What did you find out?”
Avra exhaled, the sunlight catching in her dark hair. “I’ll say it straight: I don’t think Dominic is a good choice. He has a reputation for mistreating lovers—misogynistic remarks, power games. Nothing about him feels right for you, Cali.”
Heat crept up my neck.
“I did some digging too.” Laya came to stand beside Avra. “A few years ago, there was a rumor he was engaged. His fiancée vanished in the night. They say she ran off to escape him, then got quietly engaged to someone else so Dominic would give up the chase.”
I pressed my palms together. “She must’ve been terrified.”
Laya nodded. “Her family kept her whereabouts secret for months. She was very young. Their engagement never went public, so they hushed the whole thing.”