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“Everyone needs a therapist. Especially the people who say they don’t need a therapist. Because we all need someone to talk to so we can process out the things we’re thinking through and wrestling with.”
“I’m dealing with it.”
Jax said, “You’re also scared to death.”
“Like I said, I’m dealing with it.”
“I get it.”
She looked up from her coffee. The waitress set their plates in front of them. Kenna grabbed her fork.
Jax said grace, praying quietly over their meal. Then he said, “I worry every second that something’s going to happen to you or to Maizie. Ramon. Stairns. Ryson and his family. Laney and her family. My parents. But you can’t let the fear control your life. You need tolive. Which I know is something you already know.”
“If I wasn’t intentionally living, I wouldn’t have married you.”
“I know.” He smiled. “And I’m really glad you did.”
She figured marriage was about giving the other person reasons to stay rather than simply convincing them not to leave. Being the thing that kept them invested and what they couldn’t live without was far more positive than just resolving the reasons they wanted to go.
Again, with the add-on element that it wasn’t about her tying herself up in knots. Overextending herself and burning out “doing” instead of living and enjoying her life.
“You know what it’s like to lose everything, and you’re scared to death it’s going to happen again.”
Kenna needed to lighten this conversation, stat. “Why do you have to beinmy brain?”
The corners of his lips curled up. “I know you. I get you. Even though you live a lot of your life in solitary ways, keeping things to yourself. Not in a bad way, like they’re secrets, but you keep to yourself. It’s a protective measure.”
“But you’re not trying to get me to open up.”
“If it’s important, you’ll tell me.”
She studied him. Most guys would expect her to open up and might even get pissy when she didn’t. He seemed content to let her have autonomy in this relationship. She said, “I want to believe we have plenty of time to get to know each other a little better every day.”
Maybe falling in love with each other a little more each day. But she wouldn’t say that. It would sound overly sappy. She liked a good romance novel, because she was a quality human being, but being gregarious with her emotions hadn’t ever been her thing.
“But?”
“Maybe we won’t,” she said. “We could have three weeks or fifty years. Or less. Or more. Or something in between. We could have no kids or a whole bunch. Things could go wrong in a million ways. We could both quit our jobs to eliminate as much of the risk as we can, and then one of us could get hit by a car getting the mail from the mailbox. You can’t guarantee anything.”
“So let’s just enjoy the heck out of what we do have. See where it goes.”
She studied him.
He held his hand out across the table, like a pact. “What do you say, Banbury?”
She chuckled and took his hand. “I agree to your terms,Oliver.”
“People have been calling me Jax.” He seemed to find it amusing if the look on his face was anything to go by. “It started with Ramon and Maizie, Bruce and Stairns. Now, it’s even creeping in at work. They call me Boss to my face, but I’ve heard them refer to me as SAC Jax.”
What could she say to that? “Sorry?”
He shook his head. “I actually like it. Laney used to call me Ollie, and Ihatedit.”
She chuckled, but her phone rang before she could say more. She pulled the earbuds case out of her pocket and handed one to him, then swiped the screen while putting the earbud in her left ear. Jax slid the other in his right, though it was probably too small. “Hey, Maze. What have you got for us?”
“A few things. Ready?”
Jax gave her a soft smile. They needed to visit Maizie, or have the teen come and stay here with them for a few days so they could hang out with their adopted daughter. The more time she spent with good guys who would treat her in healthy ways, the better she’d be able to discern a good man from the kind whowould mistreat her. It hadn’t even been two years since she’d escaped the sick man who had raised her until she escaped him. Sometimes, it felt like far longer.