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Amos takes a small step away from our embrace to look me in the eye. “I know you are. I promise I will be back in a day. Two at most.”

I nod, not trusting myself to say another word. I don’t want Amos to go. We’ve only just discovered what we mean to each other, what we could be. “You better be back in one day, Amos.”

He laughs at my attempt at assertiveness. “I will do my best. And when I get back, when things are settled, we can talk, we can fuck, whatever you want. I am yours. Got it?”

Amos’ words hit me with a force I wasn’t ready for, nearly knocking me over. To hold myself up, I wrap my arms around his wide shoulders and pull him to my lips for a tender, hungry kiss. A kiss that’s interrupted way too quickly when someone from the other side of the terrace clears their throat. When Amos and I step away from each other, I turn to see my mom walking toward us.

“You should leave now, Amos, before it gets too dark.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, Cathy. I just didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Lori.”

“I see that,” my mom says with hands on hips. But I know she’s not angry. In fact, she is quite enjoying herself as Amos gets all self-conscious and worried about being caught kissing her daughter.

Amos gives me a shy smile and an innocent peck on the cheek. “See you later.”

“No longer than a day,” I demand, pointing my finger at him as he walks backward, not yet ready to turn away.

His shy smile turns devilish at my neediness. Goddammit, why does he have to go? He peels his eyes from mine and calls over to Kyle. “Lucas is coming with me. He’s prepping our cargo with Anna now. You are in charge while I’m gone.”

“Yes, sir!” Kyle says in all seriousness while playing the role of the general’s lieutenant. Not that Amos is an actual general, but well, he kinda is. The two men exit through the glass doors leaving me alone with my mom, who stares at me with a look that says, “you better tell me everything.”

“We only kissed, Mom. That’s it.”

“Mmhmmm.”

“Okay, fine. I really like him. I’ve liked him for a while. And today I found out that maybe he likes me. We kissed. We almost had sex. But Kyle interrupted us.”

How does my mom have this power over me? I am always forced to tell her exactly what I’m feeling. I can never lie to her. I honestly don’t know if it’s a curse or a gift.

My mom joins me at the half wall around the terrace. “I knew Amos had serious feelings for you, but I wasn’t sure how you felt. You were still so raw about Jonah. Are you ready to explore feelings for another man?”

Such a good question. One I’ve thought about quite a lot, but my thoughts about Jonah are few and far between now. He’s in my past. And even if I were to see him again, there would be nothing for us. So I answer from my heart. “Yes.”

Three days later, Amos is still not back from The Wall and I’m about ready to gather a battalion and go after him to make sure he’s safe. I feel like I could kill anyone who gets in my way. And if someone has hurt him or…no, I can’t even think about that. Amos is fine. He’ll be back. He has to come back.

As I anxiously pace back and forth in the living area of my dorm, Cal emerges from their room. Mina should be up soon too, but she requires more sleep than Cal. I don’t stop pacing as Cal weaves their way through the living area and into the bathroom. I’m still pacing when they re-enter after freshening up from a long sleep.

“You are driving me crazy. I could feel you pacing while sitting on the toilet,” Cal says, collapsing on the couch. I stop pacing, but my anxious energy requires me to fidget. “Shit, Lori. What’s going on?”

“Amos said he’d be gone for a day, two days tops. It’s been three. Where is he?”

“Damn, girl. You really got it bad for him.”

“What? No. I mean, yeah, I like him. I’m just worried for him, that’s all.”But I think I do have it bad for him, I say to myself.

The corner bedroom door opens and Mina pops her head out. “Are you guys talking about how Lori has the hots for Amos?”

I roll my eyes as Cal confirms the topic of conversation and fold myself into the armchair in the corner of the living room. “Does everyone know I have a crush on him?”

Mina scurries over to the couch and curls up next to Cal. Both of them answer at the same time. “Yes. At least the patrol crew does.”

Cal adds, “Andhe has a crush onyou. Is it true that Kyle walked in on you guys?”

I am mortified. “How do you know about that? I mean, no, Kyle didn’t walk in on us. The door was locked. I mean—”

Cal and Mina cackle like a couple of old hags, making my body relax at how ridiculous I’m being. We are all adults here. There’s no shame in having sex with someone, even if it didn’t happen. I think about one of the last things he said to me before leaving three days ago, “I’m not done with you yet, Copperhead.” The flush on my cheeks is likely visible, but I don’t care. I hold on to that memory of him, the way he looked like he wanted to spread me wide and feast.

“What are you thinking about, Lori?” Mina asks wide-eyed.