Page 84
Story: Not Pretending Anymore
She sighed. “I’m so glad I had these last few months with him.”
I nodded. “I think it meant the world to him, too.”
A few minutes later she said, “Will told me he loved me a few days ago. It was the day before my dad died.”
It felt like I’d been punched in the gut, and all of the air was sucked out of my lungs. I had to take a minute to be able to respond. “Were you…happy about that?”
“He’s been really great through all this. I know you had your doubts about him in the beginning. I did, too. But I do think he cares about me.”
“Are you…in love with him?” I held my breath.
“I like him a lot.” She looked down at her hands on her lap. “But I couldn’t say it back. Not yet. I care about him, and we have a nice time when we’re together. We have a lot in common.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe my emotions are just all over the place because of everything going on with my dad and that’s making me unsure of my own feelings.”
I might not be certain about most shit in life, but one thing I now knew is that when you’re truly in love, you know it. And even if Molly wasn’t going to be with me, I never wanted her to settle for anything less than she deserved.
“I think you know it when you’re in love, Molly.”
“But how? How do you know?”
Just as she asked, we arrived at the wrought-iron gates of the entrance to the cemetery. The funeral procession slowed as we followed the hearse to Molly’s dad’s gravesite.
I was grateful that I didn’t have to think and could just follow the car in front of me because my mind was preoccupied with how to answer her question. Too soon, the hearse slowed and pulled to the side. Panic set in as I realized Molly and I were just about out of time together.
Once I parked, Molly turned to face me. She shook her head. “I’m sorry for being so random and asking you the meaning of life on the way here. I guess seeing my father come to his end has made me realize it’s about time I find my beginning.”
People in the cars parked ahead of us began to open their doors to get out. Molly put her hand on the door latch. “Thanks for driving me, Declan.”
As she started to get out, I yelled to stop her. “Wait!”
She turned back.
“You know you’re in love if every little thing you’ve ever been scared of suddenly doesn’t seem half as terrifying as not spending the rest of your life with that person.”
Molly’s eyes filled with tears as we stared at each other, almost trancelike. I wanted so badly to tell her I knew what love was because she was the love of my life. But the moment came to an abrupt halt when someone knocked on the passenger window.
Will.
I shut my eyes. Fuck.
Molly’s face was somber. “Thank you again so much for coming, Declan.”
I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed the top. “Of course. I’ll always be here for you, sweetheart.”
CHAPTER 30
* * *
Molly
“Are we okay?”
I stopped tracing figure eights in the condensation on the bottom of my glass and looked up at Will. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
He smiled sadly. “Come here.” We’d been sitting next to each other on my couch, and he gave my arm a little tug and pulled me onto his lap. Pushing a lock of hair from my face, he looked into my eyes. “Is everything okay with us?”
“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. You’ve been distant. I know it’s only been a week and a half since your dad passed, and you have every right to be down, but for some reason, I feel like it’s more than that.”
I had felt off lately. And while a lot of that obviously had to do with my father, some of it also had to do with Declan. I hadn’t heard from him in the days after the funeral, and when I’d finally checked in, he wasn’t his normal self. His messages were polite and all, but sort of distant. Which made me realize my concern for Declan seemed an awful lot like Will’s concern for me.
I hated to lie to Will, but I also didn’t think I should share my concerns about another man, especially Declan. So I went with a partial truth. “I’m sorry if I’ve seemed far away. Losing my dad has led me to a lot of thinking, and I feel like it’s hard to escape my head—if that makes any sense.”
“Of course it does. But I hope you know I’m here to talk, if you want to try to work out some of whatever is on your mind—no matter what the subject.”
I nodded. “I think it meant the world to him, too.”
A few minutes later she said, “Will told me he loved me a few days ago. It was the day before my dad died.”
It felt like I’d been punched in the gut, and all of the air was sucked out of my lungs. I had to take a minute to be able to respond. “Were you…happy about that?”
“He’s been really great through all this. I know you had your doubts about him in the beginning. I did, too. But I do think he cares about me.”
“Are you…in love with him?” I held my breath.
“I like him a lot.” She looked down at her hands on her lap. “But I couldn’t say it back. Not yet. I care about him, and we have a nice time when we’re together. We have a lot in common.” She shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe my emotions are just all over the place because of everything going on with my dad and that’s making me unsure of my own feelings.”
I might not be certain about most shit in life, but one thing I now knew is that when you’re truly in love, you know it. And even if Molly wasn’t going to be with me, I never wanted her to settle for anything less than she deserved.
“I think you know it when you’re in love, Molly.”
“But how? How do you know?”
Just as she asked, we arrived at the wrought-iron gates of the entrance to the cemetery. The funeral procession slowed as we followed the hearse to Molly’s dad’s gravesite.
I was grateful that I didn’t have to think and could just follow the car in front of me because my mind was preoccupied with how to answer her question. Too soon, the hearse slowed and pulled to the side. Panic set in as I realized Molly and I were just about out of time together.
Once I parked, Molly turned to face me. She shook her head. “I’m sorry for being so random and asking you the meaning of life on the way here. I guess seeing my father come to his end has made me realize it’s about time I find my beginning.”
People in the cars parked ahead of us began to open their doors to get out. Molly put her hand on the door latch. “Thanks for driving me, Declan.”
As she started to get out, I yelled to stop her. “Wait!”
She turned back.
“You know you’re in love if every little thing you’ve ever been scared of suddenly doesn’t seem half as terrifying as not spending the rest of your life with that person.”
Molly’s eyes filled with tears as we stared at each other, almost trancelike. I wanted so badly to tell her I knew what love was because she was the love of my life. But the moment came to an abrupt halt when someone knocked on the passenger window.
Will.
I shut my eyes. Fuck.
Molly’s face was somber. “Thank you again so much for coming, Declan.”
I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed the top. “Of course. I’ll always be here for you, sweetheart.”
CHAPTER 30
* * *
Molly
“Are we okay?”
I stopped tracing figure eights in the condensation on the bottom of my glass and looked up at Will. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
He smiled sadly. “Come here.” We’d been sitting next to each other on my couch, and he gave my arm a little tug and pulled me onto his lap. Pushing a lock of hair from my face, he looked into my eyes. “Is everything okay with us?”
“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. You’ve been distant. I know it’s only been a week and a half since your dad passed, and you have every right to be down, but for some reason, I feel like it’s more than that.”
I had felt off lately. And while a lot of that obviously had to do with my father, some of it also had to do with Declan. I hadn’t heard from him in the days after the funeral, and when I’d finally checked in, he wasn’t his normal self. His messages were polite and all, but sort of distant. Which made me realize my concern for Declan seemed an awful lot like Will’s concern for me.
I hated to lie to Will, but I also didn’t think I should share my concerns about another man, especially Declan. So I went with a partial truth. “I’m sorry if I’ve seemed far away. Losing my dad has led me to a lot of thinking, and I feel like it’s hard to escape my head—if that makes any sense.”
“Of course it does. But I hope you know I’m here to talk, if you want to try to work out some of whatever is on your mind—no matter what the subject.”
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