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I followed Mia’s direction, my palms growing slick with sweat.

On this side of security, the deafening roar of the engines was immutable, and I could hear them through the blood rushing in my ears. My focus whittled down to breathing and walking. One breath in, one step forward. At some point, airport staff joined our small party to escort us the rest of the way to the private airstrip.

I wanted to scream.

We stopped once more for our tickets and passports to be checked yet again, and Mia had to pry both out of my stiff, trembling fingers. Without a word, she pressed her hand to the middle of my back, and I dragged in a shaky breath.

“Enjoy your flight,” the staff member said with a cheery smile that was so at odds with the raging panic that seized my chest that I could have laughed.

Instead, Mia thanked him and steered me toward the runway. She and Terry walked on either side of me, her hand on my back and the soft lull of her voice the only things rooting me to the ground.

“Good morning, Andy,” she said, and I glanced up to find my pilot smiling back at us.

“Morning, Mia, boss,” he said, greeting each of us before turning to Terry. “The final security check has been done but I know you want to do one last round yourself, so we’re waiting on your go ahead.”

Terry nodded once and disappeared up the short flight of steps leading into the plane.

“Boss, we haven’t flown together in quite a while,” Andy said, his voice concerned. “How are you feeling today?”

“Like if I breathe any harder I might cough up my lungs,” I admitted.

Neither of them laughed.

“I’ve got your anxiety medication with me if you need,” Mia said softly, but I shook my head.

I hated how the medication made me feel. Instead of leveling out the intense panic, it simply stuffed a pillow over my senses, blocking any and all stimuli out. Which, I supposed, helped in its own way. But going from one extreme to another left me exhausted and ill.

Mia knew that, so she didn’t push.

“All right then,” Andy said, clapping his hands together. The early morning sun turned his graying hair white, and the fine lines around his eyes deepened with his smile. “Let’s get this show on the road. After you, boss.”

On trembling legs, I slowly climbed the steps, the roar of the engines ripping the air from my lungs in a heartbeat. I sat down in my seat stiffly, the plush leather doing nothing to distract me from the fact that I was on a plane.

I was on a plane and would be stuck there for fifteen hours.

I’d be stuck thousands of feet in the air, suspended on nothing but air currents and a goddamn thread of hope, and suddenly, the edges of my vision turned dark. The engines screamed as the plane made its way onto the runway. Or was it me? I didn’t know anymore, I just knew that it was too loud, too loud,too loud-

“Here.”

In a single second, the sound of the engines died, and a small weight pressed over my ears.

I opened my eyes – I couldn’t even remember closing them – my heart racing faster than this plane could possibly fly.

Mia adjusted the noise-canceling headphones on me, pulling out my phone to connect them. I stared at her hands, watching as she scrolled through my music app until she found a playlist and hit ‘Play’.

Through the silence, a soft melody began to play, and I looked up at her face. She gave me two thumbs up, and I nodded, swallowing thickly around the panic that threatened to suffocate me.

Take off was usually the worst for me. The engines, the speed of the plane, the sheer force as it launched itself into the air…

Just thinking about it made me sick.

But with the terrifying din of the engines blocked out, I found my lungs felt a few sizes bigger, enough to breathe a little easier.

She fastened her seatbelt and I tried to fasten mine, but my fingers were icy and clumsy, and the seat belt slipped from my hands. Mia reached over and fastened it for me, and I might have said thank you.

I couldn’t hear the sound of my own voice.

But she smiled and settled back, her shoulders loose and relaxed.