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“I’m going to try to make peace with my past so it doesn’t spoil my future, starting with Lilith. I’m just not sure I can do it.”

“Does that include having a relationship with her? I know you’ve been mulling that over.”

“I think I want a relationship with her. I’m not exactly sure what kind, but one where we can slowly get to know each other. I have questions that only she can answer. Do you think that’s the right thing to do?”

She slipped her hand back into mine. “That’s not for me to answer. You have to follow your heart, but you know I’ll support you whatever you decide. I suppose the pope’s comments tonight reinforced the need to make things right before we get married tomorrow.”

“They did. As you know, I’ve already told my parents I’ve met Lilith, and they were supportive of whatever I wanted to do regarding her. Nonetheless, I feel guilty, as if somehow just mentioning Lilith’s name is a slight to them. But they’ve been more than insistent that they’re fine with it.”

“That’s because they love you, Slash, and they want you to be happy. Being fully happy means coming to terms with your past, just as Father Armando and the pope said. But you’re right—Lilithisthe start of your past.”

I appreciated how she helped me clarify my thoughts and put things into perspective. “Would you mind if I invited her to the wedding tomorrow? I think that would be a fitting way to start our relationship. She’s staying the night here at the hotel anyway. I arranged it with the Secret Service.”

“You haven’t invited her yet?”

“I haven’t. I wanted to talk it over with you first.”

“Slash, if you want Lilith at the wedding, I’m okay with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“A hundred percent.”

“Thank you.” I closed my eyes, relief sweeping through me. “I don’t know if she’ll accept, but I’d like to think that tonight will be the beginning of a long road toward reconciliation and healing, as well as a better understanding of my past.”

“I’d like to think that, too.” She turned toward me, still holding my hand. “You know there’s no right or wrong way to do this. There’s onlyyourway.”

I pulled her against me, resting my cheek against her hair. “I can’t imagine navigating life without you.”

“Same here.”

We stood there in the corridor holding onto each other until I finally released her. “I’d like you to come with me to meet with Lilith. Are you good with that?”

She touched my cheek with her fingertip. “I’m good with that. Let’s take that first step on this road together.”

The anxiety that had wrapped around my heart eased. “I can’t think of a better way to start.”

FIFTY

Slash

The bar was mostly empty except for my brothers and their significant others, who sat at a table drinking and chatting. Stefan waved us over when we walked into the bar, but I discreetly shook my head. He sat down, looking puzzled until he realized we were headed toward the unknown woman at the corner table.

Lilith looked up when we entered, her hands wrapped around the stem of a wineglass. She wore a tailored blue blouse and dark slacks, and her thick brown hair hung loose about her shoulders. I had studied her photo many times looking for any kind of resemblance to me. I didn’t see any, except maybe a little bit around the eyes, but I did think she was even prettier in person than she was in pictures. I thought it strange I had the urge to study her, to learn the shape of her face, the curve of her cheekbones and the length of her eyelashes. I knew I looked far more like my father, but I found a part of me wanting to find a resemblance to her, too.

Beyond the visual, I also wanted to know the things that most children already knew about their mothers from a young age—what made her laugh, which rules were nonnegotiable, and whether she was a people person, or more of a loner like me. How was I like her and how was I different?

Lilith rose, a slight smile touching her lips. The smile didn’t reach her eyes, and I suspected it because she was as nervous as I was. She had no idea why I’d summoned her, and certainly had to be wondering what I intended to say.

The last time we’d spoke in person had been in the rain forest of Brazil, and the conversation hadn’t gone well. I’d been blindsided by emotions I’d thought were fully under control when she confessed to being my birth mother, even though I’d already known it. Feelings of suppressed betrayal, hurt, and anger had swept through me, especially when she’d told me she wanted to have some kind of relationship with me. I hadn’t been ready to even consider a relationship with her, so I’d told her I’d think about it and walked away. Not the best performance of my life, but I hadn’t been ready for the range of emotions that acknowledging her as my birth mother had caused.

Now, however, was the moment of truth. For both of us. Secretly, I’d wondered if I might enjoy the position of power over the woman I’d long considered to have abandoned me. I didn’t. Instead, the whole situation seemed surreal and uncomfortable. I tried to conceal the tension in my shoulders and almost walked into Lexi as we approached her. I needed to calm down and focus.

“Slash, Lexi, how good to see you both again.” Lilith offered us her hand and we shook it. It was all very formal, polite, and awkward. For a moment, we just stood there looking at each before we abruptly sat down. The bartender came over, and Lexi and I ordered glasses of wine. Then he was gone, and we sat together in uncomfortable silence.

Once again, although I had believed myself to be fully prepared to discuss the situation, my stomach roiled uneasily with another unexpected wave of emotion. Not wanting to further prolong things, I cleared my throat. “Thank you for coming, Lilith.”

Her face paled, and inwardly I winced. I sounded so stiff and impersonal, like I was interviewing her for a job or something.