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She loved him, and over the past two weeks spending more time with him, and now coming to Switzerland, had only made it more clear to her. She loved being with him, talking to him, arguing with him, having him at her side whenever they were in public and then being held in his arms at night in their bed.
She loved him and she didn’t know what to do. Because while she’d realised she was in love with him that night, he’d made it very clear that love would not be a part of this marriage. That Kasimir would always come first and there was no room in his heart for anything else.
There was no room in his heart for her.
He was a king, and his first responsibility was to his country. Not her.
She could give him an ultimatum—tell him she was leaving him if he didn’t put her first, but that was something she’d never do. It would force him into an impossible position and that felt terribly unfair.
‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured, pulling her hands from his. ‘I know that’s not what you want to hear. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it.’
Slowly the shock ebbed from his expression, leaving his eyes hard, cold chips of diamond. ‘Guinevere. That is not what our marriage is about—you know that.’
Her throat felt tight. ‘Yes, I know,’ she forced out. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you for anything. I only wanted you to know that that’s how I feel.’
‘It’s not something I’ll ever be able to reciprocate.’ Now his voice sounded hard too. ‘You know why.’
‘Yes.’ She couldn’t quite mask her bitterness. ‘You have to sacrifice yourself on Kasimir’s altar and that of your parents’ deaths.’
Anger leaped in his eyes, as she had known it would since it had been a terrible thing for her to say.
‘Their deaths have nothing to do with this.’
She shouldn’t argue. They were in a public ballroom, for God’s sake. And yet she couldn’t stop the words that spilled from her. ‘Don’t they, though? Isn’t that why you can’t afford to take your eye off the crown? Not even for a moment? You’re so desperate to prove you’re worth your mother’s sacrifice—and your father’s too.’
His expression became forbidding. ‘How is that wrong?’ he demanded. ‘She died protecting me and my father sacrificed his wife for me. Shouldn’t I prove to them that they didn’t die for nothing?’
At that, her eyes filled with tears. ‘You’ve already proved that, Tiberius. You’ve reclaimed the crown and you’re getting Kasimir back on track. You have some wonderful plans for the future. And they’re gone now. What more do you need to prove?’
Tension had begun to roll off him like a wave. ‘Everything,’ he said harshly. ‘My father was clear that a king couldn’t have anything else in his life but his country…that anything else was a distraction. And that doesn’t end simply because I have a wife and a family.’
She blinked, her throat getting tight. ‘There should be room in your life for happiness as well, Tiberius. There should be room in your life for love. Don’t you think that’s what your mother would have wanted?’
‘You know nothing about what my mother would have wanted.’
‘No,’ she said softly. ‘But neither do you. I’m sure she would want what’s best for you, and running yourself into the ground for a country that doesn’t care about you isn’t it.’
‘So what are you saying? That I give up everything? Give up the crown I worked for so long to claim just for you?’
That hurt, as he must know it would.
‘No, that’s not what I’m saying.’ She pulled her hands from his, swallowing past the unbearable tightness in her throat. ‘You’re a king, but don’t forget you’re also a man, and one doesn’t cancel out the other. How can a king make his people happy if he doesn’t even know what happiness feels like?’
His expression shuttered. ‘I don’t need to know. Happiness is irrelevant.’
‘It’s not,’ she said, unable to stop a tear from sliding down her cheek. ‘It’s important, and it’s only been in the past couple of weeks with you that I’ve realised how important.’
But he ignored her, glancing down at his watch. ‘I’m sorry, Guinevere. But this is a pointless discussion. I suggest we have it at a later date, and not in such a public place.’
He was right. Of course he was right.
Another tear joined the second, falling to stain the silk of her gown. ‘I don’t care if you don’t love me back.’ She had to say it so he knew. ‘I don’t care about me. I only want what’s best for you.’
Just for a second the cold diamond of his eyes flared as his gaze tracked her tears. ‘But you should care,’ he said suddenly, low and fierce. ‘And you should have someone who can give you what’s best for you too.’
She brushed away a tear, not caring where it fell, not understanding. ‘What do you mean?’
Tiberius muttered a low curse, that muscle in his jaw leaping. ‘I mean that I should never have married you, Guinevere Accorsi. You’d have been better off if I’d just let you go.’