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‘Will you take a seat?’
‘No,’ she replied defiantly. She wanted to be here too much. If she got comfortable, she might not want to leave. ‘Now, talk.’
Emilio didn’t join her. He kept his distance, standing with the coffee table between them. She saw his hand twitch towards her but he stiffened his arm at his side. She knew how that felt. It was the same for her.
‘I know what I did was wrong,’ he started. ‘Both when I was young and now, with you. Sleeping with Gia is the thing I am most ashamed of in my life. It’s never far from my mind, and I know it can never be undone. I deserve to pay for it.’
Jasmine didn’t disagree with him—what he had done to Enzo was awful—but she would be lying if she said she didn’t hear his self-loathing in those words.
Emilio began pacing, as if it would help the words flow; Jasmine didn’t comment on it, choosing instead to watch him. This honesty was what she had wanted from the start.
‘For so long, I was jealous of my brother. I saw the relationship he had with my father, the manner in which he was favoured, and I craved it. Craved a relationship with him too, but when it didn’t happen it was easier to hate him. But now, after talking to him, I realise that he was no better off than me.’
‘You spoke to Enzo?’ Jasmine was shocked.
‘I imagine he’s still in my office making a nuisance of himself.’ Emilio huffed a laugh.
He was making jokes about his brother now… Was he making actual, healthy changes to his life?
You saw the car.
She had. That was a large part of why she was here right now.
‘See, the thing is, I had no one to show me what life was really like for him. All I knew was that Gia was someone important to Enzo and she’d chosen me. However briefly, she’d chosen me.’ His eyes scrunched shut.
Jasmine could tell the words were being ripped from deep within him. Could see the hurt and shame.
‘You always want what you can’t have,’ she said, remembering watching other kids at school, kids whose parents used to take them on vacations and drop them off in fancy cars. Mothersandfathers in the audience during recitals. She’d known she couldn’t have that, but she’d gone to bed thinking about it every night.
Emilio nodded. ‘I was hoping to be loved and I think that’s why I connected with Gia. Even though now I know how ridiculous it was. I didn’t love her, and she certainly didn’t love me.’ He looked at the floor. ‘I just wanted to be chosen.’
It sounded as if he was saying it more to himself than to Jasmine. Maybe he realised, because he cleared his throat and continued. ‘But, after I slept with her, I knew no one ever would. I knew I wasn’t good.’
He covered his eyes with his hand, but she could see the frown on his forehead. Could see the agony in his downturned lips.
‘Maybe my father had always known that.’
Jasmine couldn’t take it any longer. His pain felt like her own. Her eyes welled up. She went to him, pulling his hand away so he could look into her face.
‘That’s not true,’ she said. ‘I’ve seen the good in you.’ It had all been good. Right up until the point it wasn’t. She ought to step away, but she couldn’t see him in agony. Her body sang when his was close.
She was torn.
‘I don’t want you to comfort me,belleza. I deserve to feel this. I just want you to understand why I couldn’t tell you. I knew that I didn’t deserve you—was convinced that, if you knew everything, you would never be able to care for me in any way. I already knew you couldn’t love me, but I loved you. Idolove you. I wanted to hold onto you despite all of it. And, even if you walk away from me today, I will go on loving you until my last breath. I will always be there for you and our baby.’
‘Emilio.’ She swallowed past the lump in her throat. ‘That night in Venice… I didn’t want you to tell me you loved me when I felt so betrayed, but I have come to realise I love you too…’
‘You do?’ Emilio cupped her face in his warm hands. Hope sparked in his brown eyes.
‘Yes. But, if you could do that to your brother, how badly could you hurt me? Hurt our child?’ Jasmine still felt stuck on that point. He had healed so much of her. He had such goodness in him, but had he changed enough? She put her hands on his chest, unsure if she wanted to push him away or clutch him tighter. ‘I want to believe in you. God knows, I do. I’m just scared.’
As the words left her mouth, she realised that she still trusted him enough to put aside strength and show him her vulnerabilities.
‘Then let me tell you who I am. I am a man who loved his mother, who was ignored by his father, who was jealous of his brother and unfairly hated him because of it. I’ve done two terrible things. I slept with my brother’s fiancée—I have since asked for his forgiveness, which he gave to me. I don’t understand it. And I hid my actions from the woman I loved—something I regret so deeply.
‘It was selfish. I was scared of losing her, but I should have given her the choice to stay. I am a man who wanted so desperately to leave a De Luca legacy for my child, but that’s impossible, because the vineyards were never my mother’s. My father lied to her just like I lied. I have never been so disgusted at myself. I never want to be him.’
He’d lost the vineyards… Jasmine’s hands fisted in his shirt. She wanted to comfort him but she stopped herself from saying anything, doing anything further, because she needed Emilio to continue.