Page 23
Story: Mister Romance
A few minutes later he sent me another message.
Chase: Oh, I can do it. How do you feel about being married by someone ordained by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Jimmy: Is it wrong I’m thinking Italian for lunch after?
Chase: Pretty sure the church allows it. They seem like the progressive types.
Jimmy: Sounds good. Let’s not mention to Melena exactly *who* ordained you.
Chase: Pretty sure we’re talking about a what in this case. I’ve got a feeling the Flying Spaghetti Monster is non-human, non-denominational, non-judgmental.
Jimmy: Noted. Thanks for agreeing to do this. Saturday at 11? I’ll take us all out to lunch after. Bring Tamra?
Chase: Ha! She wouldn’t miss this. You’re her favorite, you know.
Jimmy: Don’t be offended if she cries at my wedding.
Chase: Because she’s so sentimental? Not sure you know my girlfriend. Nerves of steel, that one.
Jimmy: No. Because I’m taken.
I snickered. Let him sit with that one for a while. He knew I was joking. Tamra only had eyes for Chase. I switched back to my messages with Melena.
Jimmy: We’re all set for Saturday. 11 at the Pagoda. See you tomorrow for our licenses.
I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck before making the call I’d been dreading. The conversation was too important for text. I’d have to bring all of my de-escalation skills into play. No matter how much I protested, Andi was going to read this as Melena taking advantage of her only brother. She picked up on the third ring.
“Everything okay, Jimmy? You never call me,” my sister said.
It was true. We texted often, but I didn’t call. To be fair, neither did she. We were both busy with our own lives. I worked twenty-four-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, and my sister was a big-shot professional, rising fast at work. We grabbed beers together when our schedules allowed, but it’d been a month or more since we’d seen each other.
I’d paused too long.
“Jimmy? You’re scaring me.”
I cleared my throat. “I, ah, have news. Nothing bad,” I rushed to add.
Her snort was audible over the phone. “No conversation that starts with a pause like that can be good either.”
“I don’t know how to tell you,” I admitted.
I could picture her pacing in her apartment, dark curls spiking above her like a halo.
“Nope. Not ominous at all. Spit it out, brother.”
“I’m getting married,” I said. “On Saturday.” It came out all in a rush, like if I said it fast enough, maybe she wouldn’t overreact.
“What shade of stupid do you think I am? Who is this woman? It is a woman, right? Don’t even think about bringing some kind of child bride into our lives. No more strays. You can’t save them all, Jimmy.”
I grimaced before the full meaning of her words sank in. “What the hell, Andi? Child bride?Never.”
I could practically see her shaking her head at me. “I know you. You attract the helpless ones. It’d be just like you to help a pretty young thing out of a bad situation.”
Melena might not be in the best situation, but marrying her wasn’t me being overwhelmed by my desire to help. My desire for her, maybe. I flopped on my couch before responding.
“Melena’s of age. In fact, she’s close to my age. Stop being gross.”
“Okaaay,” Andi responded. “Then what’s wrong with her?”
Chase: Oh, I can do it. How do you feel about being married by someone ordained by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Jimmy: Is it wrong I’m thinking Italian for lunch after?
Chase: Pretty sure the church allows it. They seem like the progressive types.
Jimmy: Sounds good. Let’s not mention to Melena exactly *who* ordained you.
Chase: Pretty sure we’re talking about a what in this case. I’ve got a feeling the Flying Spaghetti Monster is non-human, non-denominational, non-judgmental.
Jimmy: Noted. Thanks for agreeing to do this. Saturday at 11? I’ll take us all out to lunch after. Bring Tamra?
Chase: Ha! She wouldn’t miss this. You’re her favorite, you know.
Jimmy: Don’t be offended if she cries at my wedding.
Chase: Because she’s so sentimental? Not sure you know my girlfriend. Nerves of steel, that one.
Jimmy: No. Because I’m taken.
I snickered. Let him sit with that one for a while. He knew I was joking. Tamra only had eyes for Chase. I switched back to my messages with Melena.
Jimmy: We’re all set for Saturday. 11 at the Pagoda. See you tomorrow for our licenses.
I rubbed a hand over the back of my neck before making the call I’d been dreading. The conversation was too important for text. I’d have to bring all of my de-escalation skills into play. No matter how much I protested, Andi was going to read this as Melena taking advantage of her only brother. She picked up on the third ring.
“Everything okay, Jimmy? You never call me,” my sister said.
It was true. We texted often, but I didn’t call. To be fair, neither did she. We were both busy with our own lives. I worked twenty-four-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, and my sister was a big-shot professional, rising fast at work. We grabbed beers together when our schedules allowed, but it’d been a month or more since we’d seen each other.
I’d paused too long.
“Jimmy? You’re scaring me.”
I cleared my throat. “I, ah, have news. Nothing bad,” I rushed to add.
Her snort was audible over the phone. “No conversation that starts with a pause like that can be good either.”
“I don’t know how to tell you,” I admitted.
I could picture her pacing in her apartment, dark curls spiking above her like a halo.
“Nope. Not ominous at all. Spit it out, brother.”
“I’m getting married,” I said. “On Saturday.” It came out all in a rush, like if I said it fast enough, maybe she wouldn’t overreact.
“What shade of stupid do you think I am? Who is this woman? It is a woman, right? Don’t even think about bringing some kind of child bride into our lives. No more strays. You can’t save them all, Jimmy.”
I grimaced before the full meaning of her words sank in. “What the hell, Andi? Child bride?Never.”
I could practically see her shaking her head at me. “I know you. You attract the helpless ones. It’d be just like you to help a pretty young thing out of a bad situation.”
Melena might not be in the best situation, but marrying her wasn’t me being overwhelmed by my desire to help. My desire for her, maybe. I flopped on my couch before responding.
“Melena’s of age. In fact, she’s close to my age. Stop being gross.”
“Okaaay,” Andi responded. “Then what’s wrong with her?”
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94