Page 40

“You think I’m gorgeous?”
“Of course I think you’re gorgeous. You’re stunning, Scarlett.”
Her eyes are huge, and I feel a brief flicker of regret. Am I doing the right thing? She wants me. And she’s right—we’ve gone this far, why not go all the way?
Then I feel a sweep of shame. “Look, I know that many girls’ first experience of sex is at a party or in the back of a car, but yours shouldn’t be. You should be wined and dined and taken to a top-class hotel, undressed slowly, and laid in a soft bed so you can be kissed all over, before the guy tenderly and gently makes love to you.”
“What if I don’t want that? What if I just want to get it over with?”
That makes me glare at her. “Oh, how romantic.”
She looks around the gazebo, then sends me a sarcastic look. “I didn’t think this was about romance.”
I look at my shoes, a tad embarrassed as I think of how I just unzipped my jeans and slid inside her. “Yeah, well, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“So now I’m a mistake.” Her eyes fill with tears.
I close mine for a moment. Then I open them again and move toward her. “No, of course not. I’m just saying—”
“It’s all right, I know what you’re saying.” She turns and jumps down from the gazebo.
“Scarlett…”
But she’s already running up the bank in the rain.
“Scarlett!” I yell, furious at her. I jump down as well and follow her, but she’s quick, and by the time I reach the top, she’s already halfway across the stepping stones.
I stop, watching her leaping from stone to stone. She reaches the other side and jumps onto the bank, and then she heads down the hill. In less than a minute, she disappears into the undergrowth, heading for the commune.
Shit.
It’s still pouring down, and I stand there, completely soaked, feeling upset and angry. I run a hand over my face, then through my wet hair. Now I’ve hurt her and made her feel worthless and unwanted. Could I have fucked this up any worse?
I think about what my father would say if he knew what I’d done, and wince. If she felt vindictive, Scarlett could report me to the police and accuse me of assault, and I wouldn’t be able to offer a defense, because they always believe the woman in situations like this. At the least, she might tell the commune, who could then make life very difficult for me, and they would probably refuse to sell the Waiora, too.
But although I feel anxious about what my father’s reaction would be if he knew what I’d done to his enemy’s daughter, more than anything I feel terrible for what I’ve done to her. I hurt her and embarrassed her, and that was unforgivable. There’s no way I could have known she was a virgin, but that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done. I shouldn’t be screwing any girl in a public place where anyone could have seen us. I’m not eighteen. I’m a pillar of the community.
What the fuck did I think I was doing?
Chapter Nine
Scarlett
“Scarlett? There’s something for you at the office.”
I’ve just finished a Jiu Jitsu class, and I pause on the way to the showers, sweating profusely and red-faced. Maria, who’s in charge of our stores and who orders in our food and other supplies, hovers in the doorway, eyes dancing.
“I’ll just have a shower,” I tell her, “and then I’ll pop over.”
“You might want to go now,” she says, “before the whole commune sees them.”
“Them?”
She just winks at me and walks away.
Frowning, I grab a towel and loop it around my neck, then head outside. It’s a cooler day today, as if Tawhirimatea—the god of the weather—and Ruaumoko—the god of the seasons—decided that my foolishness yesterday marked the end of summer, and today is the first day of autumn.
I wince as I step down from the retreat building. I should have worn looser yoga pants. I’m still tender underneath, and these ones keep irritating my sore skin.