Page 35 of Man Seeking Woman

Chapter Nine

Ella

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What the hell am Idoing?

Pacing around my apartment, I kept looking at the time, and checking my email, wondering when the papers would pop up in my feed. I wasn't sure if I was thinking clearly, or if I had literally just lost my mind, but I was honestly going to weigh his option as plausible.

It was the money. Did that make me shallow? Self-centered? Irresponsible and a poor judge of values?

I'm definitely losing my fucking mind. There's no other rational explanation.

Grabbing my phone, I sent Kayla a text. 'You around? I could use a drink.'

My phone pinged immediately, her response giving me a feeling of relief. 'Sure!Just tell me when and where.'

Telling her to meet me at our usual place as soon as she could, I slipped my feet into my flats and headed out the door. I had to tell her what I was thinking, and I needed her to give me a valid reason as to why I shouldn't even allow this idea hold any weight.

You don't need her for that, the list is endless.The small angel on my shoulder spoke up, reminding me that we were talking about a child, not selling a car or an old radio. A baby, a child, someone who need us their entire lives.

But it could also wipe my slate clean, giving me a chance to get out from the quick sand I felt like I was sinking in.

The sneaky red devil whispered against my ear drum, his words sweet and easily to swallow.Money, you need the money. This is what you've been waiting for. This is your out.

My brain kept going back to what it would do for me;me, me, me—Am I really this selfish? Could I really bring a baby into the world for my own benefit?

Walking into the bar, I found an open booth in the back and slid inside. I kept watching the door, checking my phone, fiddling with my hands, then repeating the same cycle. It felt like I was in some wild dream and none of this was real.

I waited for the moment when my eyes would pop open and I'd jolt up in bed, sitting in the cold sweat of a crazy dream. That moment never came, I wasn't dreaming.

A waitress came over and asked me what I wanted to drink. Ordering a beer for both myself and Kayla, I sat anxiously, my eyes stuck on the door.

Placing the two bottles down, the waitress gave me a smile. "If you need anything else, just let me know."

"Thanks," I said, taking a sip from the bottle and running the sharp edge of my nail across the dewy label.