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He stared at her hand on his arm. “I want to help. With Stan. Fighting for Forrest. All of it.”
“Because Stan slammed his truck into your car?”
“I haven’t felt that alive in years. I need to work, not live this marshmallow existence. Let me work. Please.”
Kenna needed to dig a little more. “That’s all of it? You just miss police work.”
“Don’t you? That’s why you’re a private investigator, isn’t it?”
“This isn’t about me.”
“I…” He cleared his throat. “I have some symptoms. Betty knows, and she’s mad because I haven’t talked to the doctor about it yet.”
“What’s going on?”
“I had cancer about ten years ago.” The skin around his eyes flexed. “It’s back. I’m sure of it.”
“And you want in on my fight?” She scoffed. “How about you fight your own battle?”
“I want to live again before I die.” He grunted. “I’ve had a good run.”
Kenna wasn’t going to condone what might turn into a complex suicide. He wouldn’t make it easy for any of them, least of all Betty. “You want me out there distracted because I have to cover your back, and you’re worried about me, when we could be focused on the job? There are already enough things to do. Plenty of leads to run down to figure this out.”
He could work on Forrest’s case while she and Jax went after Tilley—and did the marshals escort thing. Or Theo wanted the job with the marshals.
“Don’t sideline me, Kenna.” His eyes entreated her. “Get me outta here.”
If she made him stay, that would make her a hypocrite, and she didn’t like the idea of that. “There’s enough to do that I absolutely need your help.”
Theo nodded. “All right. That’s enough for now.”
Kenna figured it didn’t matter if she did object to him effectively committing suicide—or trying to go out in some kind of blaze of glory.
“Tell me how you faced down Tilley like that. You kept him talking, distracting him, like it was no big deal.”
“He wasn’t there to kill me.”
“But the threat is still real. He could’ve kidnapped you. He might’ve if I hadn’t hit him. So why did you not seem scared when you were in danger, but you’re terrified when it’s someone else? Like the idea of me going out there with you.”
Or Jax being here. In the line of fire, with a chance he might get hurt again like he had been in Mexico. She knew he was still recovering somewhat, but that was a cop-out excuse.
The fear in her was real.
Alive like the memories of her time with a serial killer had been for so many years. The night she’d lost Bradley and the baby she was carrying—their baby. Even just the idea that she might have to face down that kind of loss again terrified her.
So what was she going to do about it?
Theo patted her hand. “People are gonna do what they’re gonna do. You can’t keep everyone safe.”
“I don’t like losing people.” She swallowed against the thickness in her throat.
“Losing people is a part of life.” He left his hand on hers. “But if all you think about is what you have to lose, then you don’t ever consider what you’ve gained enough to appreciate it. Because you’re too busy worrying you’ll lose it.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Two days later
Undisclosed location, northern Wisconsin