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I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed this morning. I should have postponed work for another week.

Another lifetime.

I swallowed. “What did I say?” Did I tell her the truth about Lila? Because if I did, I was scum. Lower than scum. Lila had schooled me early on that outing someone for them was the worst betrayal you could perpetuate. It was their information to tell, to determine whether it was safe to tell. And Lila had trusted me with her secret, a secret she hadn’t even told the people she was closest to—her parents.

Cassandra was silent a moment, then said, “You said you don’t like being alone.”

I almost sighed with relief. “Well, that’s embarrassing.” But at least it was my secret to tell.

I considered keeping quiet to see if there was anything else, but the way she was looking at me, I found myself talking.

“My father—he did this thing with each of us, my brothers, when we were little—he made us spend a night on our own out in the woods behind our house when we were eight. Said it built character. But he’d also rig it so things would happen. He’d come out and make a twig snap. Played a recording of a wolf howling. Scared the shit out of us, honestly. If we didn’t make it through the night, he’d make us go out again the next night. It took me two nights. My brother Connor four.”

Mitch had done it in one, but only because I’d told him it was Dad. I figured it out with Connor and I’d been so pissed, I’d risked Dad’s wrath by telling Mitch.

He didn’t let us sleep in the same room after, but I’d let both Connor and Mitch sneak into my room the night after, let them cry softly into my pillow while I slept on the floor, rage building in my little chest.

“He wouldn’t let Mom read us stories once we started school,” I said. “He wouldn’t even let her come in to comfort us if we had a bad dream.”

I took a gulp of coffee, suddenly deeply embarrassed. “I don’t know why I told you all that,” I said.

Her expression was so sad that I cleared my throat. “It’s fine,” I said. “Therapy fodder. But I guess I figured you deserved to know after I shared that with you while I was out of it.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said after a moment. “Anyone would hate being alone after that.”

“I got over it,” I said. “I can sleep without a nightlight now.”

She didn’t laugh. “You also told me about your mom.”

I grimaced. “Oh. How much?”

“Just about her condition. That she’s in a home in Seattle.”

Okay, that wasn’t too bad. Just facts. But it was beyond inappropriate for a work meeting. Of course, so was Saturday night.

I straightened. “Well, I’m glad we got that all out in the open and I apologize again, Cassandra, for this auspicious start.”

She studied me a moment longer, then said, “I’m sorry too, for driving you to drink on Saturday.

I smiled. “That was on me.”

Her lips twisted like she was trying not to smile. Then she sobered again. “I think we should set some ground rules, though.”

“That’s fair.” My chest felt tight. I don’t know why—it was a good idea.

“This relationship should remain wholly professional, going forward,” she said, looking down. “Because of… the consequences.”

She was right, of course. My business. Lila’s secret, which she didn’t even know about. Cassandra’s business. If mine went down, so did hers. But when she lifted her gaze to mine again, the squeezing in my chest grew tighter.

For a split second, I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to demand that she let me have this freedom; the freedom to want her. To be around her. To get to know her and have something resembling a normal life, like other people got to have.

But to do what, exactly? Date? I didn’t date. Would I, if I was free to? I never thought so. I’d always been so single-mindedly focused on our business, I’d never wanted to be with anyone.

I never felt like I’d be good enough for anyone. But that wasn’t a nut I needed to crack open. No, I didn’t want that. But the freedom to be… looser around Cassandra, without consequence, would be nice. But I’d made that impossible for myself. Plus, I couldn’t presume she felt any way about me just because she wasn’t pissed at me right now.

In fact, it was probably the opposite, given she’d stopped things from going anywhere that night.

“Alright,” I said. I hesitated, remembering her expression when I’d been so gleeful we hadn’t hooked up. “But one more thing before we put this behind us. You have to know that if wehaddone anything in that room, I don’t think I would have forgotten.”