Page 73
Story: Let's Pretend I'm Okay
Daniel heads inside the house, and I close the door behind us.
“I’m going to grab the picture. It’s in my room,” he says.
I follow him to it, stepping inside a room that doesn’t feel like a bedroom. At least not Daniel’s room. It’s nothing like him. It’s neat and sterile, like a hospital. The only sign that he belongs here is the bedside table. I spot the book Annie continually rants about. The one by Jules Verne.
I inch closer, picking it up.
“Don’t touch that,” he says, lunging toward me and ripping it out of my hands.
I stare back, wide-eyed. “Relax. It’s just a book.”
His expression softens, looking at the book and then back at me. “It’s not just a book.”
“What do you mean?”
He chews at his lip as if he’s trying to decipher the situation and figure out his next move. “I don’t know how to explain it.” After holding it so tightly, he glances at me, and then he does the most unexpected thing. He carefully places it in my hands.
“You don’t have to show it to me if you don’t want to,” I say. I’m not exactly sure what I stumbled onto, but all of a sudden, this is too personal. I know he’s about to show me something I can guarantee no one else has seen.
“I want to.” He sits down on the bed. He’s nervous, feet twitching. “You already know more about me than anyone else. You might as well know about this too.”
I sit next to him and open the book. It might be a Jules Verne story, but in every inch of empty space and margin are words written by Daniel. Poems. Statements. Pain.
“When I was little, I found this book with my mom’s name written in the front. I thought if I read it, I’d understand her more, but I didn’t make it past the first chapter. I was mad and tried to ruin it by ripping some of the pages out. Then I started writing in it—to vandalize it, I guess—and I’ve never stopped.”
These words and poems are so sad. It’s all the emotions he bottles up inside himself and never lets out.
“You probably think it’s weird,” he says.
“No.” I close the book and hand it back. “If anything, I think it helps me understand you a little more.”
Daniel isn’t scary. He’s hurt. He’s wounded and doesn’t know how to heal. I realize more than ever how important it is for us to find his father. He needs to belong and feel wanted. His father could be the missing piece.
“Is that a good thing?” he asks, looking away as if he’s afraid to see my reaction.
“Yeah.” I feel the urge to wrap him in a hug, hold him together, but I resist.
In this moment I know I can’t go through with my plan anymore. I don’t want Daniel to scare Annie off. I think I should let Annie get to know him. She wasn’t wrong to like him in the first place. Maybe they could be good together after all, or maybe they would end up being friends. Then they both wouldn’t be so lonely.
He clears his throat and stands up. “The picture is over here,” he says. He walks over to the desk on the other side of the room and picks it up. “It got a little wet.”
The picture is a lot more damaged than I was expecting, but the girl is still visible.
A man knocks on the door and steps into the room. “Hey kids, I need to finish something for work,” he says. He brings the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, Steve. Where were we?” He pulls out the chair at the desk and sits down.
Daniel nods toward the door, and I take the hint to leave. We wade in to the living room, and I sit down on the tan sofa in the middle of the room. Daniel’s eyes wander around, clearly deciding whether or not he wants to sit beside me. There’s another chair across the room, but slowly he sits down next to me.
“I thought that was your room,” I say.
“Nothing in this house is mine.” His tone is cold, making my heart hurt even more for him.
“Laura and her husband seem so nice. I bet if you gave them—”
“They only took me in because they felt like they had to,” he says with a hardened expression. “Once I turn eighteen, I’m out of here.”
I don’t know if I believe that. I’m sure they care about him, but that’s not what he wants to hear right now. Arguing about it would only make him feel like his feelings aren’t valid, and I don’t want to do that. Telling someone they’re okay when they feel hurt doesn’t solve anything. It just pushes them away.
I lean back on the couch and stare at the picture. “Can you tell me what you know about your mom?”
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73 (Reading here)
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 158