Page 154
Story: Let's Pretend I'm Okay
She runs in front of me and blocks me. “You can’t leave—”
“Everyone leaves!” My voice cracks, and my hands shake at my sides. Tears roll down my face again. “Get used to it now, Olive. Everyone leaves.”
She grimaces. “No. That’s not true.” She puts her hands on me. “You don’t have to leave.”
She doesn’t understand. I shake my head and push heraway. I march down the sidewalk and just keep walking. I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere.
Everything reminds me of Margo, and I need the pain to stop. I can’t handle it anymore. I want someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be alright, but there’s no one around.
I walk for miles. I walk until I find myself at her grave. It’s too early for a headstone yet, but they’ve placed a temporary marker with her picture on it. I bend down to touch her cheek, and my shoulders shake.
“I’m all alone, Margo,” I say. My tears drench my face. I can taste the salt from them on my lips. I know she wanted me to find where I belong, but I didn’t. I’m more lost than ever. I thought I could handle loving Margo, but it’s more painful than I expected it to be. How could someone I knew for such a short period of time leave me feeling raw and torn apart?
“I miss you,” I sob. My lip quivers, and anger builds in my chest. “Why did you have to love me?” If she had left me alone, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have someone care about me. I wouldn’t know what I was missing. It would be easier.
“You weren’t supposed to die!” She was perfect. She wanted to travel the world, and she deserved to. We should be running through the mountains in Europe or swimming in the ocean together. We should be planning our futures. She shouldn’t be gone. She was too young to die.
My arms should be wrapped around her. She was my missing puzzle piece. Now there’s a gash where she used to fit, and I won’t ever heal. I can’t be happy without her.
Drops of rain hit my head, but I don’t care. I lie down byher grave marker because it’s the closest to her I can be. I close my eyes and picture her smile. I want to drown in her memory. I replay the first moment I saw her, the way she ran behind me in bright orange overalls. The first time I saw her beautiful brown eyes. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t waste time running from her. I’d surrender to her right away. If I could go back in time, I’d kiss her sooner, I’d hug her tighter, I’d love her longer.
Despite the rain I drift to sleep, and I imagine Margo standing in our field of flowers. She wears her denim overalls and watermelon earrings. She waves at me, and I rush toward her. I take her in my arms, trying to hold on to her tight enough that I can take her with me when I wake up.
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper into her hair.
She pats my back. “You’re going to be okay.”
I shake my head. “No. I won’t be. I need you.”
Margo pulls back, and I reach for her, heart speeding up.
“The world is beautiful,” she says. “You’ll see.”
In a blink of an eye, we’re standing in front of the school at the bus stop. She bends down next to the weed we argued over months ago, but it’s different now. At the top of the plant is a small blue flower.
“It’s not a weed,” Margo says. “It’s a flower. It just took time to bloom. It’s growing somewhere it shouldn’t.” She stands up and puts her hand on my cheek. “Despite the odds it managed to find a crack in the concrete and bloom. That’s pretty cool if you ask me.”
I cover her hand. There are warm tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. “I’m not a flower.”
She smiles softly, looking into my eyes. “Maybe not, but I know you’re going to do great things.”
“I won’t,” I cry.
She presses her forehead against mine. “You will. I promise.” Then she starts to fade.
“Don’t go.” I reach for her, but it doesn’t do any good.
“Daniel, wake up,” she says.
“No.” I’d rather stay in my dreams with her.
“Wake up,” she says so clearly I almost think it’s real.
My eyes open, and Laura is kneeling next to me in the graveyard. She’s wearing a raincoat, and her hair is tucked into her hood. She touches my cheek. “You’re so cold.”
I jerk away. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re going to make yourself sick out here.” Laura unzips her coat and starts to take it off.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 154 (Reading here)
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 158