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“Let me go,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
I watch his face. He looks as exhausted as I feel, and I know what I have to do to help us both.
“El Salvador,” I whisper as I close my eyes.
***
This time I dream of cool breezes on my skin, but it feels off. The freedom in it feels short-lived, and when I open my eyes, I understand.
I’m no longer tied to the bed. My body is covered with a blanket, and I know without even having to leave the room that I’m alone in the house.
I no longer sense him near.
He’s freed me.
I knew it would happen when I spoke the safe word, and I can’t really take it back now.
I’m weaker than I’ve ever been as I climb out of the bed and make my way to the shower.
Bathing takes forever, but despite being more tired than I’ve ever been in my life, I force myself to dry off before digging through his closet for something to wear.
I have no plans, no direction, no safety net, as I scrounge around in the kitchen and pack some food and water into a bag I found in his bedroom closet.
I don’t leave a note.
This isn’t a goodbye, see you later.
This is forever.
El Salvador ensures it.
His truck is gone when I step out onto the porch, fighting the urge to call Cerberus. I don’t know that they’d even help if I begged. I wore out that welcome long ago, but I also don’t want to risk any chance of them going after Angel.
I shouldn’t feel the urge to protect him, but somehow I do.
I can’t stay even though deep down I know that’s what I want. I’m not allowed a reprieve from my pain. My dreams remind me of that constantly.
If only I were as brave as Liana.
Chapter 31
Angel
There’s only so many times you can watch the same thing before your mind alters the outcome. Or maybe it’s hope that switches things around.
I’ve seen Lauren leave my house a million times in the last several days.
I’ve watched her stumble on the last step of the front porch and walk off the property without looking back.
But as I rewind the video again, I see her look back, watch her eyes as if she’s standing in front of me, begging me to stop her.
Then the glitch and she’s walking away again.
Over and over, I watch to find that one time she pauses, and I never find it.
My mind made it up. My head is trying to convince me to go after her, to find her, to catch her and tell her I was joking and that untying her was all part of my game.