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Chapter Eight

Brenden

I’m glad that Audrey is back. I didn’t like her being so far from me—especially since I didn’t have any idea where she actually was. Wraith, Cassian, and Donovan might have, but they didn’t seem to want to share that information.

It was probably for the best. Storming the devil’s house wouldn’t have been the best idea.

Stepping around the others, I pull Audrey into my arms and bury my face in her neck.

Not only did I miss her, but Nex has been here the whole time since we returned to the underworld.

He tried to speak to me a few times, but Audrey’s other mates were having none of it. Theyallowed him to stay, but on the caveat that he left me alone. While I’ve felt his eyes on me the entire time, he hasn’t tried to speak to me since he was given the ultimatum.

That hasn’t made it any easier to be in the same room as him, but it is what it is.

This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve felt void of emotions, and it might not be the last. Audrey and I have spoken about how she feels, and I know all she feels is anguish with other emotions popping up for a moment or two before sinking beneath the cloud of gloom.

I felt the same way at first, but I also know how to turn off my emotions. It’s harder now that Audrey is in my life because I want to feel the love I have for her and the comradery that I feel with her other mates, but the misery I was in was sending me spiraling.

I found myself thinking about tearing Donovan’s throat out after he pulled Audrey away from me. And when I say thinking about, I mean I was imagining it in vivid imagery. My cock was hard at the thought of spilling all that blood.

I’m sure Monty, my old therapist, would say that’s unhealthy, but you know what else is unhealthy? Killing another of Audrey’s mates. Shewould never forgive me for that, and I wouldn’t be able to hold it against her. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to forgive myself. It’s better to feel nothing than to risk hurting someone Audrey or I love.

Even with my ability to shut off my emotions, I still sense them there at the back of my mind. They’re heavy and overwhelming, fighting against the box I buried them inside. It won’t take much for them to spring free and send them rushing through me.

“Are you okay?” she asks, clinging to me just as hard as I’m holding her.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” I admit, just as quietly in return. “My emotions are contained. Yours, on the other hand, are not. We can make him leave.”

She sighs. “But then he’ll just come back, won’t he? Now that he knows there’s no curse?”

“You act as if we can’t hear you,” Nex says quietly, and I heave out a breath as I tear myself away from Audrey.

“So what if you can? The polite thing to do is to not listen,” I snarl, flashing him my fangs.

Another downfall to locking down my emotions is I’m a lot more bloodthirsty and a whole lot more impatient. I want to rip outhis throat and end Audrey’s suffering, but she’d told her dad—fucking Lucifer—that she didn’t want him dead. I’m fairly certain that means I also can’t kill him.

Nex grimaces, dropping his gaze from us. “I know none of you want me here, but I need to talk to the two of you. I need you to understand—“

“Understand that now you want us?” Audrey shakes her head. “Honestly, I couldn’t care less. You left us after telling us you were going to stop fighting it. You broke us, and now you want us to let you back in? Did you really think it would be that easy?”

I hate hearing Audrey’s voice so devoid of emotion. She’s always been passionate about everything, and now, it’s almost like she lacks life. I could deal with the hurt he caused me if he hadn’t hurt her.

I might not want to admit that he broke me, but she’s right—he shattered both of us and now we’re forever changed.

Nex’s head drops as he lowers himself to his knees. “I know I don’t deserve you—either of you—but I truly am sorry for how I handled everything. If I would’ve just gone to Lucifer instead of punishing myself again for somethingI did lifetimes ago…Just know I was hurting myself just as badly as I was hurting you.”

“Doubtful,” Cassian all but snarls, surprising me. It’s clear the fallen angel loves our mate, but of all of us, he’s been the best at keeping his cool when dealing with Nex. I was too wrapped up in my obsession with him to see anything clearly.

All I wanted was to make him mine like Audrey was mine.

“I’m done fighting against the fated mate bonds with the two of you,” Nex continues as if Cassian never spoke. “I’ll prove to both of you that I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if it takes thousands of years for you to forgive me—or even if you never forgive me—but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be whatever you need me to be. If you need me to be your whipping boy, I’ll gladly do so. And when this war with the angels comes, I’ll be fighting at your side—where I belong, even if I don’t deserve it.”

“And if all I want you to do is leave me alone? Then what, Nex?” Audrey brushes her hand against mine with a heavy sigh. “I’m tired, and I’m going to bed. You should go home. From the sounds of it, we’ll need all the help we can get in the coming war, so I won’tturn away your help with that. But that doesn’t mean I want you around me. It doesn’t mean I want to see you or even hear you. I want you to leave me alone.”

Without another glance at any of us, she heads upstairs.

Nex’s head follows her progression until he can no longer see her, then his head falls forward once more.