Page 24

“If ye want to get washed up, I have more water in the washroom just behind that door. It’ll be cold now, but it’s clean enough. I can finish cleaning Herrick up here.”

With a nod of gratitude, Maude headed to the attached washroom, which was more of a closet with a chamber pot, a wash basin on a small table next to clean cloth, and a small window that looked out over the desert. Maude shook out her clothes and hung them from the window, seeing the first rays of morning appear before she quickly washed herself with the cold water in the basin. The chill of the water on her skin would have normally been exquisite, but now only reminded her of Herrick. She thrust those feelings away from herself with a force she didn’t think she was capable of, her mother’s words ringing in her ears.

Love, like the ones in the stories, does not have a place in your reality.

She knew nothing of love but did understand the needs of the flesh. This was lust; he couldn’t possibly feel any other way about her, the monster that she was. She pushed everyone away. He would be no different.

Deciding to leave her hair unwashed again dueto her lack of charcoal, Maude braided it into a long rope and then twisted it behind her head. She inspected her body for any new bruises or cuts and found a few gashes from where arrows had skimmed her. They’d stopped bleeding, so she only dabbed at them with water before unwrapping the band from around her chest. Her breasts felt unbearably heavy after wearing the band for so long, and her back ached from the weight, but she quickly washed the band out before wringing it dry and wrapping it around herself once more. The wet band was uncomfortable but worked well to cool her scorching skin.

Searching through the small pack she had, Maude withdrew the leggings that had been drying at Sigurd’s house before their hasty departure. She inspected the cloth before pulling them over her legs, strapping her dagger in place swiftly. After she finished washing her hands and face, Maude donned her sleeveless black shirt that crossed her chest in a way that accented her curves but was tasteful, followed by her shawl.

Thora had already seen her face, as her hood had fallen back when she had stumbled into the tavern and had not said anything when she spied her scar. Maude felt it would be silly to wear her hood up now that she had already been seen.

Uncomfortable with the exposure, however, Maude pulled the hood forward and exited the washroom. Thora had cleaned Herrick to the best of her ability and had stripped him of his filthy clothing, pulling the covers over him. She now stood by the dresser with the stack of cloth they’d used to clean Herrick’s wound, separating the bloody from the clean.

“Thank you for your help. I don’t think I could’ve done that on my own,” Maude said to Thora as she placed her weapons on the dresser.

“No worries, my dear. I can have some breakfast sent up for ye once the cook arrives for the day.”

Maude wordlessly nodded while Thora eyed her moving the chair next to the bed to inspect Herrick’s leg dressing before sitting back and kicking her legs up at the end of the bed.

“Ye have a nice touch for healing, Maude, very gentle,” Thora said as she finished gathering her supplies. Maude didn’t look at her, but she felt her face heat. Thora noticed her silence and looked over her shoulder to see Maude’s beet-red face.

“I didn’t mean to make ye uncomfortable; I only meant ye have some skill and wondered if ye were a healer in the city.”

“I’m not,” Maude replied a bit too quickly, but she felt an uneasy sense of comfort with Thora, so maybe that influenced what she said next. When Maude would think back on this conversation, she wouldn’t know why she admitted what she did to Thora. She would only remember the burning desire to tellsomeone.

“The first thing I ever remember wanting to be was a healer. I wanted good to come from my touch. I just…wanted to do good,” Maude said to Thora quietly. “That part of me died a long time ago once the truth of my existence set in for me, but I never stopped wanting to begood.”

Thora only looked at Maude for a moment before she replied.

“I’ve found in my time on this earth that it’s never too late to do the things ye want. I think if yer want is great enough, that’s all ye need,” Thora said to Maude as she walked to the door. “Please come find me if ye need anything, my dear.”

Maude nodded, still needing time to process Thora’s words. She knew, of course, that she would never be the gentle healer she had wanted to be in her youth, even if Thora’s words echoed through her. As she had grownolder and her training had begun, she stopped dreaming of healing and was forced to put childish hopes aside. She had been presented with one option for her life, had accepted it until she had seen the repercussions of what she was turning into, and had decided to fight her fate with all her strength. She guessed a small part of her never lost that love of healing, of righting a wrong.

As she leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes, Maude thought back on the little girl she used to be and how she had wanted so much for her life. She knew that little girl would’ve been appalled and disgusted by where they ended up in life; she would’ve known that no matter how hard she had fought her destiny, she’d ended up precisely the way her father had said she’d be. The gods had delivered a harsh lesson, and Maude wasn’t sure she could ever recover from it.

Herrick hadn’t dared open his eyes after he had overheard Maude talking to Thora. He had woken at her touch on his leg and had meant to say something when Thora had instead asked Maude if she was a healer. He had never expected Maude’s response to be so quietly sorrowful. After Thora had left, Maude was quiet for a time before she had gotten comfortable in the chair and had drifted into a light sleep, her breathing deepening into a relaxed cadence. He had allowed himself to be carried off to sleep for a while, during which time he had his recurrent dream of red and Valkyries.

He woke again sometime later when he heard Maude get food from someone who had come to the door. She quietly thanked the person and closed the door, walking the tray of hot food to the dresser. Herrick felt it was safe to open his eyes now, so he tried to sit up but was ultimately too weak from the blood loss to complete the movement.

“You’re awake,” Maude said to him from the window. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” he replied. He tried to sit up again, but before he could fall back to the bed, he felt a strong arm behind his shoulders, helping him up.

“Don’t say a word. You look pathetic; I couldn’t just stand there,” Maude said to him before he could open his mouth. He only laughed a bit, the sound coming out a little breathless.

“How much blood did I lose?” he asked as she handed him a bowl of porridge, a wave of dizziness causing the edges of his vision to darken.

“It’s hard to say, you were as stubborn as an ass about getting here that I couldn’t see how much you were losing, but I’d say a fair amount. You won’t be getting out of that bed today.”

“Iwas stubborn? That’s bold coming from the ruling stubborn ass in this room.”

Maude only lifted her middle finger to him before she sat on the long dresser and began shoveling porridge into her mouth. Herrick chuckled and dug into the food. It was bland, but it was hot and filled his aching stomach. Feeling a bit stronger, he leaned over his leg to inspect the damage but only saw a clean, white dressing wrapped around his thigh.

“Thora packed the wound with a poultice to ward off fevers, but I’m sure you would know if you were going to be sick,” Maude said, placing her bowl back on the tray and ripping a piece of bread in half to hand him some.

“What do you mean?” he asked.