Page 185
Story: King of Envy
The thud of her body hitting the ground echoed in my ears. When I closed my eyes, I saw the hole in her forehead and the surprise on her face.
Her blood would forever stain my hands, but it was a worthwhile tradeoff for me, Vuk, and all the girls she’d terrorized.
“I’ll give you Mira’s contact information,” Vuk said. “It’s there whenever you’re ready.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “Have you heard from Roman?”
“Not since yesterday. He’s busy consolidating what’s left of the Brotherhood now that Shepherd and Emmanuelle are both dead, but he’s their new leader now, just like he wanted.” Vuk’s tone was dry. “He swore a blood oath that the Brothers wouldn’t come after me anymore. An oath taken by the leader applies to all the members. New rules.”
My heart beat faster. “Does that mean you’re free? You don’t have to worry about them anymore?”
He nodded.
A sweet headiness filled my veins to bursting. No more Brotherhood. No more hitmen and kidnappings and murder—maybe.
The specter of our last conversation pulled me back to earth as quickly as I’d floated off it. I couldn’t believe that’d been less than a week ago. A lifetime had passed since then, but some issues remained unresolved.
I still hadn’t answered Vuk’s implicit question: could I be with someone who’d proved he was capable of murder, torture, and other crimes? No matter how much I yearned to be with him, was the chasm between our moralities too wide for us to bridge in the long term?
But that was the thing. I wasn’t sure the chasm was as wide as I’d originally thought. I’d witnessed him shoot Wentworth point blank without hesitation, yet I’d done the same to Emmanuelle. Part of me had even wished I’d killed Wentworth myself, but I was glad I hadn’t. Taking one life was enough; taking two would’ve been too much for me to cope with, no matter how justified I was.
Seeing him crawl away like the pathetic coward he was in his last moments on earth had been satisfaction enough. A small death for a small man. It was what he deserved.
Vuk had a greater capacity for death than I did, but we were driven by the same desire: to protect the people we loved.
“Do you remember our conversation at the range? Before, um, everything that happened?” I asked. Vuk’s expression clouded. His throat bobbed, and he responded with a short nod. “Well, I made a decision. That is, I, um, have an answer.”
This wasn’t my most eloquent moment, but I’d never had to say these things to someone before.
Vuk’s hand tensed over mine, but he didn’t pull away, and neither did I.
“There was a moment in the warehouse—severalmoments—when I thought, this is it. We’re going to die, and I’d never get the chance to say what I wanted to say. To tell you how much you meant to me.” I swallowed. “I knew that you had a different concept of justice than most people, but when I saw those photos, I couldn’t reconcile the different sides of you. There’s the you who walked around D.C. with me and took me to bingo night and indulged my family even when they were being totally nosy and annoying,” I said with a teary laugh. “Then there’s the you I saw in the warehouse. The one who could kill and maim without remorse.”
The room was silent save for my voice and the rhythm of Vuk’s breaths. He didn’t speak. He simply watched me, his eyes dark with unidentifiable emotion.
“My knee-jerk instinct was to run away because how could I be with someone who had that much blood on their hands? But then I realized I was thinking in terms of my old life, the one that existed before I knew about the Brotherhood and Emmanuelle’s atrocities and everything else that came to light,” I said. “I was sheltered, and I had a predetermined view of right and wrong based on the life I’d lived up to that point. But the world is bigger and darker than that, and we can’t always play by the rules when the other side has none. The wedding attack opened my eyes, but the warehouse was the tipping point. Sometimes, we have to break our own rules to survive. I mean, look at me. I shot Emmanuelle.”
This time, my laugh contained a hint of hysteria. More than that, though, it held empathy. I saw exactly where Vuk was coming from.
“What I’m trying to say is, I understand the reasoning behind your actions,” I said. “I don’t think violence is the answer to every problem. Most of the time, it’s not. But I understand that it’s sometimes necessary. You did what you had to do for the people you care about, and I would’ve done the same. I don’t regret shooting Emmanuelle because it saved your life. And if someone had hurt my family—if they’d taken my niece or nephew and hurt them—I can’t say that I wouldn’t have wanted them to suffer for what they did.”
I took a deep breath. Vuk still hadn’t said a word, so I rambled on, rushing to get my next words out before I lost my nerve. “When I thought you were going to die, everything else stopped mattering—the Brotherhood, the photos, your utter lack of appreciation for my shoe collection.” A breath of amusement escaped him, and I allowed myself to smile before I continued. “All that mattered wasyoubecause I want to be with you.” He continued to stare at me. No reply. “That’s, um, my answer,” I said in case I hadn’t been clear. “To your question from Valhalla the day I got kidnapped? Well, you didn’t actually ask a question, but I understood what you meant. And as long as you don’t go around, like, stabbing people who give you a parking ticket, I?—”
Vuk finally moved. He grabbed me and crushed the rest of my ramble with a kiss, his mouth hot and urgent. I melted. My hands slid over his shoulders as I returned his kiss with equal fervor, letting the taste and feel of him sweep me away until I was breathless.
He was alive.It finally, truly sank in. He was alive, and we could be together, no holds barred. No engagement, no secrets, no Brotherhood hanging over our heads.
If Vuk hadn’t been holding me, I would’ve floated straight off the ground.
“So, no stabbing parking attendants,” he said when we broke for air minutes or possibly hours later. I heard the smile in his voice. “Any other conditions I should know about before we make this official?”
“Um.”Just kiss me again.Immediately.But he was right. We should lay out our ground rules first. “Basically everything that falls under the same category. No gratuitous violence unless it’s extremely justified. As in, Emmanuelle-and- Wentworth-level justified.”
“But non-gratuitous violence is okay?” Vuk laughed when I gave him a disapproving look. “I’m joking,srce. I know what you mean.” He gave me another, softer kiss. “A compromise then. No gratuitous violence without proper justification.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I threaten someone if they disrespect you?”
Her blood would forever stain my hands, but it was a worthwhile tradeoff for me, Vuk, and all the girls she’d terrorized.
“I’ll give you Mira’s contact information,” Vuk said. “It’s there whenever you’re ready.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “Have you heard from Roman?”
“Not since yesterday. He’s busy consolidating what’s left of the Brotherhood now that Shepherd and Emmanuelle are both dead, but he’s their new leader now, just like he wanted.” Vuk’s tone was dry. “He swore a blood oath that the Brothers wouldn’t come after me anymore. An oath taken by the leader applies to all the members. New rules.”
My heart beat faster. “Does that mean you’re free? You don’t have to worry about them anymore?”
He nodded.
A sweet headiness filled my veins to bursting. No more Brotherhood. No more hitmen and kidnappings and murder—maybe.
The specter of our last conversation pulled me back to earth as quickly as I’d floated off it. I couldn’t believe that’d been less than a week ago. A lifetime had passed since then, but some issues remained unresolved.
I still hadn’t answered Vuk’s implicit question: could I be with someone who’d proved he was capable of murder, torture, and other crimes? No matter how much I yearned to be with him, was the chasm between our moralities too wide for us to bridge in the long term?
But that was the thing. I wasn’t sure the chasm was as wide as I’d originally thought. I’d witnessed him shoot Wentworth point blank without hesitation, yet I’d done the same to Emmanuelle. Part of me had even wished I’d killed Wentworth myself, but I was glad I hadn’t. Taking one life was enough; taking two would’ve been too much for me to cope with, no matter how justified I was.
Seeing him crawl away like the pathetic coward he was in his last moments on earth had been satisfaction enough. A small death for a small man. It was what he deserved.
Vuk had a greater capacity for death than I did, but we were driven by the same desire: to protect the people we loved.
“Do you remember our conversation at the range? Before, um, everything that happened?” I asked. Vuk’s expression clouded. His throat bobbed, and he responded with a short nod. “Well, I made a decision. That is, I, um, have an answer.”
This wasn’t my most eloquent moment, but I’d never had to say these things to someone before.
Vuk’s hand tensed over mine, but he didn’t pull away, and neither did I.
“There was a moment in the warehouse—severalmoments—when I thought, this is it. We’re going to die, and I’d never get the chance to say what I wanted to say. To tell you how much you meant to me.” I swallowed. “I knew that you had a different concept of justice than most people, but when I saw those photos, I couldn’t reconcile the different sides of you. There’s the you who walked around D.C. with me and took me to bingo night and indulged my family even when they were being totally nosy and annoying,” I said with a teary laugh. “Then there’s the you I saw in the warehouse. The one who could kill and maim without remorse.”
The room was silent save for my voice and the rhythm of Vuk’s breaths. He didn’t speak. He simply watched me, his eyes dark with unidentifiable emotion.
“My knee-jerk instinct was to run away because how could I be with someone who had that much blood on their hands? But then I realized I was thinking in terms of my old life, the one that existed before I knew about the Brotherhood and Emmanuelle’s atrocities and everything else that came to light,” I said. “I was sheltered, and I had a predetermined view of right and wrong based on the life I’d lived up to that point. But the world is bigger and darker than that, and we can’t always play by the rules when the other side has none. The wedding attack opened my eyes, but the warehouse was the tipping point. Sometimes, we have to break our own rules to survive. I mean, look at me. I shot Emmanuelle.”
This time, my laugh contained a hint of hysteria. More than that, though, it held empathy. I saw exactly where Vuk was coming from.
“What I’m trying to say is, I understand the reasoning behind your actions,” I said. “I don’t think violence is the answer to every problem. Most of the time, it’s not. But I understand that it’s sometimes necessary. You did what you had to do for the people you care about, and I would’ve done the same. I don’t regret shooting Emmanuelle because it saved your life. And if someone had hurt my family—if they’d taken my niece or nephew and hurt them—I can’t say that I wouldn’t have wanted them to suffer for what they did.”
I took a deep breath. Vuk still hadn’t said a word, so I rambled on, rushing to get my next words out before I lost my nerve. “When I thought you were going to die, everything else stopped mattering—the Brotherhood, the photos, your utter lack of appreciation for my shoe collection.” A breath of amusement escaped him, and I allowed myself to smile before I continued. “All that mattered wasyoubecause I want to be with you.” He continued to stare at me. No reply. “That’s, um, my answer,” I said in case I hadn’t been clear. “To your question from Valhalla the day I got kidnapped? Well, you didn’t actually ask a question, but I understood what you meant. And as long as you don’t go around, like, stabbing people who give you a parking ticket, I?—”
Vuk finally moved. He grabbed me and crushed the rest of my ramble with a kiss, his mouth hot and urgent. I melted. My hands slid over his shoulders as I returned his kiss with equal fervor, letting the taste and feel of him sweep me away until I was breathless.
He was alive.It finally, truly sank in. He was alive, and we could be together, no holds barred. No engagement, no secrets, no Brotherhood hanging over our heads.
If Vuk hadn’t been holding me, I would’ve floated straight off the ground.
“So, no stabbing parking attendants,” he said when we broke for air minutes or possibly hours later. I heard the smile in his voice. “Any other conditions I should know about before we make this official?”
“Um.”Just kiss me again.Immediately.But he was right. We should lay out our ground rules first. “Basically everything that falls under the same category. No gratuitous violence unless it’s extremely justified. As in, Emmanuelle-and- Wentworth-level justified.”
“But non-gratuitous violence is okay?” Vuk laughed when I gave him a disapproving look. “I’m joking,srce. I know what you mean.” He gave me another, softer kiss. “A compromise then. No gratuitous violence without proper justification.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I threaten someone if they disrespect you?”
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