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My heart splintered at the small crack I heard in his voice toward the end.

I understood his implicit question.

Would I stay, knowing the things he’d done and was capable of? Or would I walk away like he said I could and leave the darkness of his world behind?

The prospect of the latter tore through me in a blaze of pain, but it was chased by the phantom screams of a man I didn’t and now would never know.

Crimson images flickered behind my eyes, and my stomach heaved for the dozenth time since Friday.

Do I stay, or do I leave?

“I…” Words stuck in my throat. A decision glimmered beneath the murky waters of indecision, but I couldn’t reach it. If I tried, I would drown.

“I need time.” A tear slipped down and scalded my cheek. “I just—I can’t think right now. I need to be alone for a while so I can…” Unshed tears swallowed the rest of my sentence. “I just need to be alone,” I repeated.

Vuk swallowed. Emotions battered at his stony facade. Fear, panic, desperation—they surfaced for a gasp of air before his face shuttered again.

He dropped his hand and stepped back.

A chill swept over my skin. I shivered, yearning to feel the warmth of his touch again even as the hole in my chest threatened to swallow me.

“Take as much time as you need,” he said. “I’ll be here.”

His quiet promise was supposed to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse. And when I walked away, my throat so tight it was impossible for me to squeeze another syllable out of it, I couldn’t help but look back.

Vuk was standing exactly where I’d left him, his head and shoulders bowed.

We hadn’t said goodbye, not yet, but I felt like a chasm had opened up between us all the same.

I sucked in a shuddering breath and faced forward again.One foot in front of the other. That’s it. You can do it.

I walked through the halls of Valhalla like a ghost, corporeal yet lost. Somehow, I found my way to the exit, but I didn’t know where to go from there.

The thought of returning to my empty apartment made me flinch. Despite what I’d said about upgrading my security, I was on edge knowing someone—most likely a member of the Brotherhood—had broken in so easily. Perhaps I should check into a hotel or ask Maya if I could impose on her for a few nights.

In an alternate reality, I would stay at Vuk’s house, but that was no longer an option.

I swiped at my tears and took another deep breath. I could break down later, in private. Right now, I needed something, anything, to distract me.

I walked down the street from Valhalla and hailed a cab. I told the driver to drop me anywhere in SoHo. A walk would calm me down, and the neighborhood was crowded enough on a weekday afternoon to provide the illusion of safety.

Thirty minutes later, I exited the cab and ducked into a nearby café for tea. It wasn’t my mother’s shai, but it’d do in a pinch.

I let the drink’s comforting warmth wash away the rest of my tears as I wandered through the streets. My nose was stuffy, and my head pounded the way it always did after I cried, but I was so emotionally exhausted I didn’t even care if someone recognized me while I looked like shit.

Who cared about a potentially bad candid photo when my heart was being crushed?

It doesn’t have to be this way.I could run back to Valhalla right now and throw myself into Vuk’s arms. I could look the other way if and when he did what he did, and we could live happily ever after.

But a part of me would always know. I would always be on edge, and he would always feel my distance unless I found a way to reconcile my morality with my feelings toward him.

Whether or not that was possible remained to be seen.

“Ayana.”

I paused at the familiar voice. It was one I hadn’t heard in person in months.

Hank stood outside Beaumont’s headquarters, a cigarette in hand. I’d been so preoccupied by my thoughts I hadn’t realized I’d meandered straight to my old agency’s offices.