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“One night he was really drunk, I guess. I was outside after dark, playing in the walled garden, when he stumbled out. That’s when he grabbed me and pulled my face an inch from his face…”
I stop again, the words causing a lump in my chest, lodged once again.
Being with Chloe has loosened so many emotions I thought I’d dammed up tight and I can feel the fear I’d experienced that night pulse through me.
The rancid smell of his breath, the tight grip of his hand. I must go rigid because Chloe turns around, running a soothing hand over my jaw. “It’s all right.”
Is she comforting me? I don’t spend much time with my mother, shut myself off from her a long time ago. I’ve forgotten what female comfort feels like and I sink into the feeling now.
“He shook me and then he told me that I was a curse on our family. A disgusting vile creature who caused him and my mother nothing but pain. That it was my fault he was never home, he couldn’t even look at me, I was so repulsive.”
“Killian,” Chloe gasps, flipping in the tub so that her front is pressed to mine. Her arms wrap around my neck, her face only inches from mine. “Why would he say that to you?” Her incredulity helps. My arms, wrap around her, as I drop my forehead to hers, keeping my eyes closed, emotion making my throat tight.
“He said…” I draw in a jagged breath, my eyes closing. “That my mother was raped. And that I…”
Her lips press to mine, her arms tightening around my neck. I’ve told her the worst of it. He used words I didn’t even understand at the time. Ones like sadist and psychotic. I came to understand them later.
For a long time, Chloe just holds me, kissing my lips over and over with small, firm presses of her lips. Maybe she doesn’t yet understand the full implication of my words. I was made from violence, and it lives in my blood and in my soul.
Then again, perhaps my violent nature is the very thing that will see her through. I kiss her back, just needing the comfort that her arms and lips provide.
I expected revulsion or distance.
I never expected this kind of sweet, sweet acceptance. It takes the connection I already felt for Chloe and amplifies it, makes it deeper, stronger.
The water is starting to cool, and I feel her shiver against the warmth of my skin. In a second, I’ve got the tap on, adding more hot water. Then I grab the soap and start soaping up her skin.
I don’t want any trace of Alexander on her body. When I’m done with the bath, I lift her out of the bath and carry her to the shower. “We’re going to wash our hair. Give ourselves another scrub.”
I would do anything to protect Chloe, bathing her is the least of it. We don’t talk as she washes out her blonde hair and I do the same. But as we get out of the shower, and I wrap her in a fluffy white towel, she gives me a sideways glance. “What does your mother say about all of this?”
I stare at her, probably looking confused. “Why would I have told my mother? I don’t talk to my mother about anything. Especially not this.”
Her own features draw into a frown. She shakes her head. “But what if he…why don’t you talk to her at all?”
“Could you imagine raising a child like that? What it must have taken? I refuse to cause her anymore pain, and so I take her burden away by keeping to myself.”
Chloe’s mouth opens and then closes as her lips twitch. “Did she love you as a child?”
“I guess. She treated me just like she did my other brothers.” I feel that tightness in my chest like something isn’t right.
“Does she try to talk to you now?” Chloe doesn’t look like she’s judging but she does seem concerned.
The answer is yes. Even after all this time. But I keep my distance because why should she have to love me? It isn’t fair to her.
Chloe searches my face, seeing the answer. “If she didn’t want you, she wouldn’t try, Killian. That’s a choice she can make for herself.”
Chloe turns toward the door then, taking the towel off her body to wrap up her wet hair. The sight of her naked ass makes my cock twitch, but I ignore the sensation. Thinking about everything else we’ve discussed.
More than I want to be inside Chloe, I just want to hold her close, feel her body against mine and know that I am loved.
She comes back in the bathroom, and I realized I haven’t moved since she left. She’s wearing my T-shirt as she comes over to me again, wrapping her arms around my neck. “You all right?”
“I’m good. Better than I thought.” And then I kiss her. Because I feel lighter. And I know that beyond just giving Chloe my heart forever, I’m going to give her my body. My soul. Everything I do will be for her.
Her hands thread into my wet hair, clinging to me as I brush my mouth across hers. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she says against my lips.