Page 64

Killian
I seeChloe’s eyes go wide.
She saw a piece of me today, a really dark one, and she’s still here, still soaking in a tub with me.
It gives me a bit of hope that what I’m about to tell her won’t make her run in fear.
I let out a long breath, scrubbing my hands over my face. I’ve never told a soul what I’m about to share and I can’t believe I’m actually going to put this out in the world and in someone else’s hands.
But Chloe told me she wanted the truth, and I’ll give it to her.
I know it might drive her away.
I wouldn’t even blame her. But it’s time for the honesty that I know she craves and then it will all be out. No more secrets. “I wasn’t always like this. In fact, my mother used to say that I was the happiest of her children.”
Chloe’s lips part as she leans closer. “I can see that. There is something so clean about your feelings.”
Clean. It’s a word no one ever associates with me. It makes my chest tight as I reach for her hand.
She slips her small fingers into mine. Her wide green eyes look even brighter in the overhead light of the bathroom, her cheeks flushing from the heat of the water making her eyes sparkle even more.
I don’t want to scare her anymore tonight, but I also want all the shit out there. “I’m not clean, Chloe. I’m dirty as fuck.”
She grimaces. “For killing a man who was going to kill me? I don’t think so.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know the shit I’ve done and I’m never telling you. It’s my burden to bear. But I want you to understand…” I break again. This is harder than I thought. I’ve been keeping the words in for so long, it’s like they’re lodged in my chest. Buried so deep, I can’t reach them.
She untangles her legs and then moves through the water, settling her back against my front, her body cradled against mine. I wrap my arms around her, resting my cheek on the top of her head. “This is nicer, you’re right.”
Having her body pressed against mine, I feel my muscles relax. And this way, when I say the words, I don’t have to see her face.
Which frightens me as much as it comforts.
The fear I’ve experienced since Chloe has come into my life is a funny thing. I haven’t cared about death or pain for the longest time, and now I do.
I’m not afraid of my feelings for her. But now, I am always worried about her safety. Her wellbeing. If something happens to me…
I kiss the top of her head, my eyes closing as I breathe in the scent of her hair.
“You can tell me, Killian.”
I draw in a deep breath, my hands spreading out on her arms.
“My dad wasn’t around much when we were young. First, there were multiple estates. My mother mostly stayed in one so that we had a stable upbringing, but my father travelled a lot. They said it was for property management, but I learned later…” I draw in another breath, just taking a beat.
She threads her fingers through mine. “Keep going.”
“I learned that he was a party boy. Drugs. Women. The works… Because we were mostly raised by our mother, we saw her pain, and we don’t talk about it, but I think all of us have been reluctant to start serious relationships after watching theirs.”
She nods, remaining quiet as I collect my thoughts again. I appreciate her not pushing.
“When I was maybe ten, my father came home from a long jag away. He looked thin, pale, bloated. He drank all the time and despite being home, the house mostly went on without him except for his random drunken rages that disrupted everything. I’m the second youngest, Rush the youngest, so my older brothers shielded me from a lot of that. I do remember Tris and Gris pinning him to the floor once when he went after my mother.”
She shudders in my arms, making me tighten my grip. “Is this too much for you after tonight?”
“No,” she shakes her head, pulling my arms even tighter. “I’ve seen my mom get beat up on more than one occasion. It’s always awful.”
There is so much that Chloe understands that most people wouldn’t. I rub my cheek over the top her head wanting to be even closer to her.