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"Technically I was a criminal before I was an artist—"

"An artistic criminal that dropped the second title." She pressed her stomach against my knees and my hands fell to her waist. "Right?"

"Maybe. It still doesn't feel real."

"Okay. But how about this?" She drew in a slow, thoughtful breath before saying. "How would you feel if another person bought a piece of your street art that just happened to end up on a canvas. And their reason for buying it is because it had meaning to them."

"I think…" I allowed myself a moment, then said, "If it means something to them… I guess that was the point all along."

"First it starts out with you making things that mean something to you, and then it becomes how that meaning also translates to others."

"Right." I nodded my agreement.

"So, if you can get behind that, there might be something there for you to explore."

Her words hit me heavily, and I allowed them to wrap around me while processing the possibilities. Did I want to? Was I anything like Tatiana? I wasn't sure. Thing is…I probably wouldn't ever be sure.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"I'm thinking…that I have to make decisions."

"About what?"

"Everything. Instead of just sitting back and letting things happen, letting others lead, then getting upset about it, I have to start deciding. About what's right for me and what isn't, what I like and what I don't. Not choosing, not being firm in a decision, no matter the outcome, is making a choice to fail. Every time I let things pass by or let options sail away, I'm actively choosing to not find out where things could go." I dropped my hands down in my lap as the passion of the moment caught me in an unusual way. "Does it make sense?"

"Yes. Not deciding is choosing to fail. I understand that," she agreed, nodding. "I guess that's why people call me opinionated. I know what I like and what I want, and I take what I need. Sometimes I'm not mindful of others…but that's my work."

"Yeah. I think I'm the opposite. Too mindful of others."

"That's very insightful."

"Finally, I guess."

"What's the first decision you're going to make?"

"Well, I would like to bravely ask you to be my girlfriend. What would you think of that?"

She paused for a moment, her finger pressed against her bottom lip. "We're not already girlfriends?"

"I mean…" I chuckled while brushing my thumb over the hem of her blazer. "We act like girlfriends, we're committed like girlfriends, we've shared family events like girlfriends. We've just never actively said we were."

"Oh." She perked up suddenly, her eyes a light with amusement. "Good decision. I accept it."

I cracked up and pulled her into a hug. She giggled against my shoulder, offering me a firm squeeze.

"But we have to decide together," I said, kissing her cheek. "Would you also like to decide to be girlfriends?"

"Yes, I would." She grinned while leaning back again. "Especially since I'd already decided without you but I'm glad you caught up."

"Clem!"

"Now, let's go explore my fifth favorite thing," she chirped amidst a broad grin. "With my sixth favorite thing."

"Hmm…" I leaned into her hug with our stomachs pressed together. "And what would those be?"

She held up four fingers, then popped up the fifth. "Sex," she said, then closed her hand to extend only index finger. "You."

Our laughter rang out, despite the noise in the building around us. Our embrace lasted longer than any other I'd allowed, besides Tati, in my life. We rocked together, and I buried my face against her shoulder. I took solace in Clem, confiding in her in a way I wasn't used to in new relationships. For my entire life, it'd only been The Lost Kids, our ragtag crew trying to survive. But now, things were changing, and it was up to me to embrace it. Up to me to make the choices that best served me and the people I cared about. Maybe I would be an artist, maybe I wouldn't. Perhaps I'd stay a cop, or turn my experience into something else. I couldn't know for sure, but what I did know, is a life without risk isn't a life at all. Without risk, how could I grow to appreciate anything ever? What stories would I tell beyond how many food trucks I'd visited in a single day? Decide, I reminded myself, choose. Tonight, I chose Clem and family, the way they'd always chosen me. And for that, I allowed gratitude to flow through me and perhaps the idea for my next mural.

On canvas.