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The guy in the video explodes, his load shooting across his chest and abs. His cries mix with the sound of my heavy breathing as I watch every last second of it.

I release the pressure on my perineum and take hold of my cock again, imagining Elliot’s hands instead of mine.

Would he touch me like this? Would he be gentle at first, then rougher when he knew what I liked?

I don’t last long with those thoughts in my head. My orgasm crashes over me, and I jump to my feet in the nick of time to spill my load across my desk.

The pleasure is almost too much to handle, and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from shouting. My hips buck uncontrollably as I ride out the aftershocks.

Closing my laptop, I lie back in my chair and stare at the ceiling.What am I doing?Exploring is one thing, but diving in headfirst like this? It feels dangerous.

With a sigh, I wipe down my desk, pull my pants up, and check myself out in the mirror. The Henley really does bring out my eyes, exactly like Oliver said.

Maybe this is why I’m confused about Elliot and everything else right now. It’s not only about liking guys or girls; it’s also about figuring out what I actually want from another person.

And from myself.

I’m so caught up in my worries that I don’t hear my phone buzzing. It isn’t until it vibrates off the nightstand that I snap out of it and grab it off the floor.

The screen flashes my dad’s contact photo—an image of him with his eyes crossed and tongue sticking out—and I answer it.

“Hey, big guy!” My dad’s deep, booming voice crackles through the phone. “What’re you up to?”

My eyes dart from my desk to the garbage can filled with cummy tissues. “Uh…playing some Xbox while I wait for a friend to come over.”

“A friend, huh?” A knowing tone in his voice makes me stiffen. “Who’s thisfriend?”

“His name’s Elliot. He works part-time at the library.”

“Oh, a library guy. That’s new for you.”

I shrug, even though he can’t see me. “He’s cool. We have some stuff in common.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve taken up reading now.” My dad laughs, and I can’t help but smile.

“Nah, we just…I don’t know. We get along.” I leave it at that, not wanting to dive deeper into my confusing feelings for Elliot.

“So, what’re you and this Elliot doing today?”

“We’re going to carve pumpkins for the Hockey House Halloween party. Alex is getting the pumpkins with Kyle right now.”

“Sounds like a blast! Remember when we used to do that every year?”

“Yeah, Dad. I remember.” I think back to when Lily and I would make a huge mess in the kitchen while our parents supervised. Those were some of my favorite memories growing up.

“We need to get a pumpkin this year,” my dad says, also reminiscing. “Maybe when you come home for Thanksgiving, we can do one then. A turkey pumpkin or something.”

I laugh. “A turkey pumpkin? That sounds ridiculous.”

“It’ll be awesome! So, you’re coming home for sure?”

“Of course, I’m coming home.” I pause. “But Imighthave to come back early for practice. Coach is cracking down since we almost lost last night.”

My dad grunts in acknowledgment. “You guys pulled it off in the end, though. That new defenseman is something else.”

“Yeah, Nathan’s been killing it.” I think about how Nathan took down a guy twice his size, which allowed me to get in one final shot on goal. “He’s a good dude.”

“So, how’re you feeling about the season as a whole?”