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“I do not wish to take you yet. Not until I have chased away my darkness. There is a shadow in my past that I must banish. I cannot have you, body and soul, until I am filled with light as you are. You are a shining jewel, Alicia. You have made me see the darkness in which I have lived for so long.”

He leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on her lips as he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.

“I will not taint your sunshine. When I take you—and Iwilltake you—there will be nothing between us.”

She shuddered in his arms as he kissed down her neck, the tip of his tongue running over the vein before he pulled back.

She panted beside him, and it took all of his strength not to lean back in for another kiss.

“When we are finally together, nothing will hold me back, and you will beg me, screaming my name, for your release.”

CHAPTER 30

The following day, Alicia’s eyes fluttered open as the sun streamed through her window.

There was a mixture of determination and uncertainty running through her, even before she had risen for the day.

Pushing the covers off her, she tiptoed to the window. It was still early, and she could see Christopher far down on the lawn, skipping about on the soil.

The gardens were quiet and still, not a hint of a breeze in the air, but there was a rhythmic crunching sound coming from somewhere. Her fingers tightened against the cold sill as she saw Seth below her.

He was partially obscured from view by the curtains, digging ruthlessly at one of the beds. As she examined them more closely, it appeared that he had done all three.

Christopher had been attracted by the freshly tilled soil no doubt, and Alicia frowned, disquieted by the scene.

Why is Seth up so early? Is he still troubled?

He was wearing a thin shirt over his back, and she could see his muscles bunching and flexing as he slammed the spade into the soil over and over again.

Alicia settled on the windowsill to watch him, enjoying the view too much to make herself go back to bed.

I want to help chase his darkness away.

When she had gone to bed alone the night before, his words in the carriage were all she could think about.

The idea that this darkness had dogged him for so long, tracked his steps, and made him the brooding and unhappy man he was, made her heart ache for him.

No one should be ruled by their past, and certainly not if they hoped to carve out a new future.

She picked at a hangnail on her left hand, wondering whether he saw a future with her or simply wished to rid himself of his demons.

He had touched her in ways that set her skin alight. Their time in the theatre box had been decadent, sensual—intoxicating. She could hardly believe it had taken place, now that a new day had dawned.

I can only pray that no one heard or saw us. I would never be able to survive the shame.

But it was only perceived shame, in the eyes of others.

When Alicia thought of his fingers running over her skin, the wicked glide of his body against hers in the most intimate of places, she felt hot all over. But no shame. Not for what they had shared, just a lingering sadness that perhaps it meant more to her than it did to him.

But she was still determined to help him.

Perhaps this marriage was a convenience for Seth, but that did not mean that he should be plagued by the ghost of his friend all his life.

One thing was certain: if Seth continued to be tormented by his past, he would never be able to open himself up to love.

Alicia would be robbed of the marriage she now craved to have with him. And with everything that had happened, she did not know if he would be able to get there alone.

How can I help him, though?