Page 17

I shrugged. "I said no, and everyone left. They think I'm a goody-goody, a brain without feelings."

"Oh, I see." She sat down beside me. In the increasing darkness, her face was hidden in shadow, but her eyes caught the pale light and glimmered with sympathy. "I know it's painful for you to drive your friends away, but you have to do what your heart tells you is right.

"Once, a long time ago," she added, "I said no, and I think I saved my life."

"Really? What happened?"

"My sister and a boyfriend came by in a car and asked me to go along with them. They had been smoking pot, and I saw they were already high, laughing, being reckless. They thought I was a party pooper, too, and I remember wondering if maybe there wasn't something wrong with me, maybe I was too old for my age."

"That was the night of the accident that crippled Gisselle?"

"Yes and killed the boy. I'm not saying something terrible has to happen all the time, but you've got to follow your instincts and believe in yourself."

"It was fun being with Claude sometimes; he's the most popular boy in school. But I didn't have a strong enough feeling for him. The fact is, I haven't had a strong feeling for any boy yet, Mommy. Is that odd? Am I too analytical? Am I just a brain?"

"Of course not," she said, laughing. "Why do you have to become seriously involved with someone while you're still so young?"

"You did," I said quickly and then regretted it.

"It was different for me, Pearl. I came from a different sort of life. I told you that. My childhood was rushed. I wish I had had more time to be young and carefree."

"But you did fall in love with Daddy soon after you met him, didn't you?"

"I suppose." Even in the darkness, I could see the tiny smile on her lips as she remembered. "We had our first kiss out here, in that cabana, a kiss that changed my life. But that doesn't mean it has to be that way for everyone, especially for you," she continued quickly. "You're going to have a career, and you're dedicated to higher things than most of your friends are," she added.

"Is that good?" I wondered aloud. "Will I miss something important?"

"I don't think so, honey. I think you're destined for more important things, and when you fall in love and someone falls in love with you, it will be a greater relationship than you can imagine now."

"I almost feel as if I should go to Marie Laveau's in the French Quarter and get some love powder," I said, and Mommy laughed.

"Who told you about that? Don't say I did," she added quickly.

"No, I read about it. You never did anything like that, did you?"

"No, but once in a while I'd burn a candle or Nina Jackson would burn some brimstone to keep away evil spirits she thought might be hovering about me. I suppose you think that's silly," she said. "And maybe it is."

"I don't know. Maybe if I were less scientific, I'd be happier," I said. "I know my friends would like me more."

"Nonsense. Don't be someone you're not just to please someone else," Mommy warned.

"Hey," Daddy called from the patio doors, "are you out here, Ruby?"

"Yes, Beau."

"Some of your friends are leaving and want to say good night."

"I'm coming."

"Something wrong?" Daddy asked when he saw I was with Mommy.

"No."

He stood there, skeptical. "Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Daddy," I said. "We're coming in." I rose, and Mommy put her arm around me.

"And you are fine, too," she said squeezing me. "I'm proud of you, not just because you were the valedictorian and made a wonderful speech, but because you're sensible and mature. You don't know how wonderful it is to have a daughter you can trust and rely upon."