Page 44 of Hell-Bound

That’s encouraging.

Jester walked around a few trees, looking for something.

“Mmm hmm, I think here will be just fine. These trees will block us from view in case anything comes searching.” He plopped down onto the ashen floor and stretched out. “Did you bring anything to eat? I’m staaaarving,” he said, grabbing his stomach dramatically.

She produced the small bag that Fred had given her. Inside was a block of cheese, some dried meats, and a few pieces of fruit. After eating in another awkward silence, Ren was surprised when Jester spoke.

“So you lost your memories as payment to Azur?” he asked, looking down and tracing his fingers through the ash.

She furrowed her brow. She hadn’t thought that her memories might have been thepaymentfor something. She had assumed that she had wanted to get rid of them.

“I…think that I, my past self, wanted to forget.”

Jester looked up at her. “Why would you want to forget everything?”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been asking myself. Azur hinted that there was a good reason for me to want to forget. That I should... respect that decision.”

He nodded, thoughtful.

“You can’t trust Azur, Ren. He is…evil. He will do anything to have souls…”

She bit her lip, suddenly conflicted.

“I know, Jester, but what other choice do I have? I have nothing now. Maybe Renata—maybeImade a mistake. I couldn’t have known the real consequences. Why would anyone want to forget their whole life? Everyone and everything they’ve ever known. I’m just... I’m so…”

“Confused,” he finished.

“Yes,” she muttered, calming herself before she could spiral.

Jester continued to doodle in the ash, suddenly solemn, then murmured, “There are things I want to forget. I would…leave it all behind. Everything. If I could just forget,” he said, voice growing softer. “Ren, you got to start over. Be whoever you want to be. You’refree.No one to hold you back or remind you of the mistakes you’ve made. The people you’ve hurt. The people you’ve…lost.”

Ren looked down at her hands.

“But even if that were true, I would still have hurt them. I mean, any mistakes I made in the past are still my mistakes, whether I remember them or not. Jester, trust me, this is awful. You wouldn’t want this. People talk to you like you’re not even there, telling you what you should believe—should do. What about whatIwant to do!”

She paused, suddenly realizing that panic was rising in her chest.

“Ren, you are you. It’s the same person.”

“No, Jester, you don’t understand. I feel like I don’t have a choice. I feel like Renata made my choices. She told me whoto love, where to live, how to dress! But I don’t even understand why she—I—made those decisions, and if I change them and decide I don’t want them anymore, am I betraying myself?”

Renata grabbed her head, a sharp pain starting to form behind her eyes. Ren inhaled and exhaled slowly.

It was a time before Jester spoke.

“Ren, I hope you escaped whatever you were running from.” He stood up, wiped his pants off, and said, “I’m going to check the perimeter.”

Then he vanished.

Renata knew what he was doing, but she was glad for the privacy all the same.

He returned several minutes after Ren had calmed down.

“We shouldn’t light a fire tonight. Stay as inconspicuous as possible. I haven’t seen anything—but just to be safe,” he said with a thumbs up.

That was perfectly fine with her. It wasn’t cold. In fact, it was positively muggy.

The dark was upon them faster than Ren expected. Night there apparently only meant that the strips of lightning disappeared behind dark clouds, which only took minutes.