Page 82

“And that’s not who we are. That’s why we’ll always be better than people like Burke. Like Patricia. Like Owen.”

Nick looked down at Seth’s hands on his legs. “I want…” What did he want? He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but he was here, now, in this moment, and he was alive, Seth was alive, and he was tired of waiting. He wanted to feel safe, loved, even if just for a moment. Which was why he whispered, “I want you.”

Seth tensed, but only for a split second. He studied Nick thoughtfully, and he thought he saw a flash of something like fire in Seth’s eyes. It chased away the cold. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

Instant flop sweat. “Ye-es?”

“You need to be sure, Nick.”

“I don’t have dental dams,” Nick blurted, starting to panic. “And I didn’t use the enema. What if you get fecal penis?”

Seth grimaced. “Your seduction technique needs work.”

“I haveseduction technique?Cosmosaid I wasn’t ready for that yet! What else have they lied to me about?”

“Oh boy,” Seth said, lips quirking. “I’m not even going to touch that.”

“You can touch me,” Nick said quickly. “If… if you want. But only if you want. Just because I’m ready doesn’t mean you have to be. Consent is important, but just because you give it at first doesn’t mean you can’t take it back. You know what? Why don’t we just—”

“Nick.”

He sagged in relief. “Oh my god, what iswrongwith me? I’m trying to get laid while also trying to talk you out of it? No wonder I’m a virgin.”

“Hey, Nicky? What do queer men call hemorrhoids?”

Nick gaped at him.

“Speed bumps.”

Nick burst out laughing, the sound tearing from his throat, half-hysterical, almost like he was screaming. But it worked, knocking him out of his head, cementing him firmly in the present. He laughed and laughed, Seth joining in. They were laughing, and then they were kissing, still smiling, somehow. It was chaotic, messy, and then Seth bit his bottom lip, stretching it, letting it fall back.

He shook when Seth kissed him again, humor gone, replaced by something heavier, something that felt like fire burning him up from the inside out. He gasped when Seth broke the kiss, tilting his head to the side and sucking on his neck, teeth scraping against sensitive skin, the negligible pain chased away by the swipe of his tongue. His hands were in Seth’s curls, tugging, tugging his face upward, and Nick kissed him for all he was worth. Sloppy and artless, but real.

Hands under his shirt, those same hands that Nick had dreamed about, trailing along his chest, tweaking his nipple, causing him to gasp and arch his back. Struggling against his shirt, he lifted it over his head and got stuck, arms above his head, the top half of his face covered in cotton, and Seth kissed him again, slow, sure hands rising up Nick’s side to help him escape from his shirt, letting it fall to the floor.

It was the first time they’d been shirtless like this, when it wasn’t changing clothes or going swimming. He sucked in his stomach a little but Seth kissed his mouth, his chin, the sharp bones of his clavicle, his hair tickling the underside of Nick’s jaw. Seth’s hands went to the zipper of his shorts, and Nick’s eyes bulged. This was happening. This was definitely happening.

Seth paused, bent slightly at the knees, looking up at Nick with hooded eyes. “Are you good?”

“So good,” Nick breathed. “What are you going to do?”

Seth grinned at him, all teeth. “I was thinking about trying out a blow job. See what all the fuss is about. That all right with you?”

Nick’s brain shorted out as he squeaked, “Yes. That. Do that. You have consent. All the consent. There has never been anything more consensual than right at this moment.”

Seth nodded, and with shaky hands, unbuttoned Nick’s shorts, pulling the zipper down, the sound so loud Nick thought it could probably be heard in space. Seth motioned for him to raise up a little and he did.

Nick had often lamented that he was… well.Averagewas probably the best way to put it. His dick wasn’t big. It wasn’t thick. He’d never look at it and thinkHoly shit, that’s a goddamn monster right there.And if he was being honest with himself, having someoneelsecome to the same realization wasn’t exactly the sexiest thing he could think of.

But Seth didn’t seem to mind, pulling Nick out of his underwear, the metal of the dryer cold against his butt. Nick shivered, but then Seth’s hand wrapped around him, and all rational thought left his head, leaving nothing but static in its wake. He didn’t know it could feel like this, having someone else touch him in such a way. The callouses on Seth’s palm. The way his fingers trembled as if he were as nervous as Nick was. Seth seemed unsure of himself, and Nick couldn’t have that. He choked out, “That’s good” as Sethsqueezedhim, moving his hand up and down.

“It is?” Seth asked quietly.

“Yeah. Little tighter. Oh mygod,that’s awesome.”

Seth chuckled. “Good to know. I…” He swallowed thickly. “Could I…?”

“What?”