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I hold tight to the ladder behind her, caging her in so she can safely make her way into the tower. I follow in behind her, dropping the duffle to the floor as I kneel to lock the door from the inside.

“There’s binoculars in the bag,” I say, observing hertaking in the forest from every angle. I flop back onto my ass, inching back until my spine rests against a wall.

She crouches down, unzipping the bag. “Are you expecting a fire fight?” She nervously laughs, pulling out my .45 and .9 mil.

Wrong bag. Wrong bag. Wrong bag.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I launch myself across the small distance to stop her from rifling further, but I’m too slow. Blinded by pain as my vision hazes, lights flash across my sight, forcing me to drop my head and wait for it to pass.

Mallory sucks in a sharp breath, finding her notebook from the cellar. I listen to the brittle pages move, crinkling beneath her fingers, as I prepare myself for the verbal lashing I deserve.

“Nox, why do you have this?” Her voice cracks, barely above a whisper, “Answer me.”

“I found it.”

“Fucking obviously! Why did you keep it? And why didn’t you tell me you had it?”

“I didn’t?—”

“Oh shit… Did you read it?”

No point in lying. “Yes,” I rasp, as my vision finally clears.

“How could you?”

Did I know it was wrong? Yes. Did I care? Not in that moment I didn’t. However, every time after that…I had a pit in my stomach. I knew invading those moments of her vulnerability was unbecoming of me, but in the dead of night when I couldn’t sleep because she’d awoken from another nightmare, it reminded me that even at the lowest point in her life, she chose to keep fighting instead of extinguishing her own light. “I found it right before I found Victoria. It’s how I knew I was in the right place.”

“Right before you left her there,” she mumbles under her breath, flipping through the pages.

“Hey!” I snap. “That’s not fucking fair. I was put in an impossible position. Torn between what I know you’d want, and my own selfishness.” She glares at me from across the room, having backed herself away from me to sit on a desk next to a two-way radio. “Victoria was willing to die for you, so when she gave me an out, I took it. No matter how much I knew you’d hate me for it. You come first, always.”

“I bet she regrets her decision now,” she whispers.

I use those mere seconds where her ire with me crumbles, and dart across the expanse between us. Wrapping her in my crushing embrace, “She doesn’t,” I whisper. “She just isn’t as resilient as you.”

Mal looks up at me from beneath wet lashes and chuffs, “Yeah, I’m real resilient.” Wiping the tears from her eyes.

“You are. Vic just needs more time.” She nods against my chest, breathing me in.

We stay like that for what feels like an eternity but still not long enough, looking out at the horizon. Mal breaks the silence, “Can we see the cabin from up here?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Where is it?”

“Why?”

“Curiosity.”

“It’s about twenty minutes north-west of us.”Knowing I was so close to the cabin when I started my initial search of the area was a massive punch to the gut, but I just threw that knowledge onto the ever-growing pile of guilt to be dealt with later.

“Can we go?”

My entire body freezes, going rigid against her. “It’s a crime scene.” Technically the cabin has been processed and released, it’s the woods that are still being combed through.

“So? You’re a cop.”