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But somehow, she simply couldn’t make herself knock on his study door last night. It was too soon, her heart too raw still. She would surely have burst into tears as soon as she opened her mouth.
So, she’d run upstairs, and had woken this morning regretting her cowardice. It wasn’t as if it were going to get easier if she put it off, and neither was it fair to Lord Hawke or the boys, as it would take time to secure a new governess…
A new governess. Someone else, someone nameless and faceless taking care ofherboys, watching overhercats, laughing withherAbby, and bringing tea to her…her…
Hernothing. No one here belonged to her. This wasn’t her home. Her home was with Phee and Tilly in Herefordshire, at Hambleden Manor.
“Are you ill, miss?” Abby’s rolling pin paused mid-turn. “You look right miserable, you do.”
“No, I’m fine, Abby.” Helena pasted a smile on her lips. “It’s just that I wanted a word with Lord Hawke before the boys and I left for the Ladies Benevolent Society meeting this morning.” They were due at St. Mary’s soon, and it was a half hour’s walk from Hawke’s Run to the church.
“You could go and fetch him from his bed yourself, miss.” Abby gave her a saucy wink. “Mind, you enter the bedchamber of a rake like Lord Hawke, you’ll not come back out the same as you went in, if you take my meaning.”
“Hush, Abby, you naughty thing.”
Abby cackled. “Here, miss. You can take my rolling pin with you.”
“Stop that.” Helena batted the rolling pin away. “You shouldn’t gossip as you do, Abby. It’s terribly wicked of you.”
“Is that so then, miss? Well, since gossip’s so wicked, I suppose you don’t want to hear what my sister wrote to me about Lord Hawke’s scandal, do you?”
Did she? She no longer knew. It was a dreadful invasion of Lord Hawke’ privacy, but it might prove useful for her to know, and anyway, there wasn’t much chance of silencing Abby, who was clearly bursting to tell the tale. “So, thereisa scandal, then?”
“Oh my, yes!” Abby glanced at the kitchen door, then leaned over the table, lowering her voice. “It’s like this, miss. According to my sister, Lord Hawke is rumored to be having a torrid affair with…who do you think, miss? Just guess!”
A torrid affair? Well, of course, his scandal involved a beautiful, fashionable lady. Scandals always did. There was no reason that should make her heart sink, but there it went, right into her half-boots. “I haven’t the faintest idea, Abby.”
“You’d never guess it, anyway.” Abby paused for effect, then announced rather breathlessly, “Why, it’s none other than Lady Pamela Fielding!”
Lady Pamela Fielding? No doubt Lady Pamela Fielding was a very important personage, indeed, but the name meant nothing to Helena. “Who, pray tell, is Lady Pamela Fielding?”
“Why, she’s Prinny’s current mistress, of course.” Abby threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. “Really, miss. Her name has been in the scandal sheets for weeks!”
“Is it just gossip, or do you suppose…” Helena swallowed the lump in her throat. “Do you suppose it’s actually true?”
“As to that, I can’t say, but Lord Hawke does run in the highest circles. He’s wealthy and handsome, and all the ladies are in love with him. He’s rumored to be so charming he can coax a snake from its skin.” Abby cast a nervous glance at the door, then slid into the seat across from Helena’s. “I daresay Lady Pamela sheds one lover for another more often than a snake does its skin, eh, miss?”
“That analogy doesn’t quite work, Abby.”
Abby waved this away. “That’s not all, either. From what my sister tells me, Prinny nearly caught them out!”
“Caught them out?”
“Yes. It seems Prinny paid a late and unexpected visit to Lady Pamela, and when he entered her private apartments he heard a scuffle, and then he saw Lady Pamela push a gentleman out her window, and what do you think, miss?”
A sick feeling had settled in her stomach, but she’d come too far to stop now. “What?”
“Lord Hawke arrived here the very next day!” Abby drew herself up with an unmistakable air of triumph.
Helena slumped in her chair. That story would explain his missing boot and cravat, and his sudden appearance on Saturday morning, wouldn’t it? “I suppose it must have been Lord Hawke hopping out Lady Pamela’s window,” she said dully.
“I daresay it was, but Lady Pamela’s antics have come back to haunt her. My sister says Prinny’s broken with her! He’s said to be fed up with her nonsense, and now he’s saying Lord Hawke can keep her, and welcome!”
“Keep her!” Oh,no. This was dreadful! If Prinny really had washed his hands of Lady Pamela and turned her over to Lord Hawke with his blessing, then there was no reason at all Lord Hawke couldn’t return to London at once! As soonas he heard of it, he’d be off to town again, and then she’d be off to Herefordshire, and the boys would be left alone and heartbroken?—
“My goodness, girls!” Mrs. Norris strode into the kitchen then, her brows drawn down in a frown. “What in heaven’s name are the two of you shouting about? I can hear you clearly all the way from the entryway.”
Nottooclearly, hopefully. “I beg your pardon, Mrs. Norris. It’s nothing at all, just…er, I just found out Abby’s making my favorite current scones for tea, that’s all.”