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And maybe to remind me that so was I. What was left of me after the explosion nearly killed me, at least.

A soft whine came from beside the chair, and I reached down to run my fingers through Jubie’s fur, letting her know I was okay. Normally, the fact that I had my four-legged best friend at my side no matter what was enough. Pitching forward, I stared down into her dark eyes, so full of love and acceptance.

Before Aspen, just looking into Jubie’s loving eyes, knowing she was there for me, was all I needed.

Not now.

Maybe never again, which was more fucking terrifying than the memory-inspired nightmares that invaded my sleep.

A pop of the dying fire pulled my stare to the glowing embers and fading flickering flames. Sweat beaded along my forehead, and my breaths drew short.

I knew what that kind of heat would do to the skin. What it felt like consuming you from shoulders to heels. The pain and agony that wouldn’t ever stop, even in the hospital and years later. The scarred skin on my back tugged uncomfortably, and phantom flames burned as my gaze went unfocused.

Jubie’s sharp bark had me shaking my head and jerking out of the chair. I stormed away from the fire to gulp down heaping lungful of cool air while reminding myself I wasn’t back in the Middle East or burning alive.

Again.

Unwanted tears stung my eyes as I gazed into the darkness that had finally fallen but wouldn’t last long. It was insane to want and need Aspen like I did, not when she didn’t know all of me. When she heard what I’d done in the past, saw the evidence on my body and truly understood how fractured my mind was, she, like so many others, would either pity me or be disgusted.

Thankfully, most of the people in our small community were fellow veterans from various branches of the military and didn’t gawk or comment when my scars were exposed. Which was probably why I felt more at home here than I did in the town where Aiden and I grew up. No one there understood that I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me or get all teary-eyed with guilt-laced gratitude.

I was a warrior. I understood the high stakes when I enlisted and even more so when becoming a SEAL. The missions we went on, the things we did and saw, were forever engraved inside me, but I did it all with a heart bursting with love for my country and brothers in arms, knowing we were protecting so many innocent people from seeing those horrors or being in danger they never knew existed.

Turning, I stared through my watery vision at their tent, listening to their soft whispers and Aspen’s occasional giggle. A single tear slipped from the corner of my eye while my lips tugged upward.

They were here, happy and safe.

And to keep them that way, I’d shove down the now pulsing need to be with them, to hold Aspen tight in my arms and beg her to never let me go. What I wanted didn’t matter. Staying away and sleeping on my own like I did every night was the best way to keep both of them safe from me when I wasn’t in complete control.

My glassy-eyed gaze slid to my tent, utterly dark and cold, lacking the light that Aspen and Aiden brought to my life. I sucked down a deep, steadying breath and wiped the rogue tear away. Feeling sorry for myself would accomplish nothing; I needed to suck it up and do what I had to do. At my tent, I forced my fingers to grip the tiny metal zipper and unzipped the door to step inside, Jubie hot on my heels like she always was.

Because no matter how much I wanted Aspen snuggled against my side tonight, reminding me that I didn’t have to fight this battle alone, she was safer with Aiden.

And I’d bear that familiar heavy weight of loneliness that always filled my chest at night if it meant both of them were safe.

19

ASPEN

“Idon’t think I’ve stayed up this late without alcohol somehow being involved in a very long time,” I mused as I slipped into the lightweight sleeping bag. A full-body shiver shook my shoulders as the cold, slick material caressed the exposed skin of my legs and stomach. “Dang, it’s cold away from the fire.”

“Says the woman sleeping in her underwear.” Aiden chuckled as his pants dropped. Thanks to the headlamp he wore, I was gifted with a full, unobstructed view of his muscular legs as he stepped out of the puddled material. Damn, there was something about thick, manly thighs that did it for me.

Who was I kidding? All parts of Aiden and Miles did it for me.

“Says the guy sleeping inhisunderwear,” I sassed back.

“Not quite.” With a wink, he hooked both thumbs into the waistband of his gray boxer briefs and tugged them down. My jaw went slack, eyes basically popping out of my head with my gaze locked on his long, thick cock.

How the hell did I fit that thing in my mouth earlier?

“Gotta stop looking at me like that, sweetheart. It’s past your bedtime, and I need my beauty sleep.” I snapped my jaw closed, teeth clattering with the sharp movement. “Good girl.”

My groan echoed through the tent. Falling back to my pillow, I tossed an arm over my eyes and hot cheeks. “How can I not stare when you’re standing there naked, looking all hot and perfect?”

He lay on top of his sleeping bag and tucked both hands behind his head. Without my permission, my eyes slid down his chiseled chest, rippled stomach, and paused on his dick that twitched against his thigh.

There wasn’t a penis in the world that I would ever consider pretty, but fuck if Aiden’s wasn’t a work of art. Penis art. Maybe I could make a living by taking pictures of his perfect cock if the whole wildlife and scenery photography thing didn’t work out as I hoped.