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Pulling them off the wall is a feeling like I’ve never felt before and I love the sense of achievement that it gives me.

“Okay,” I say after giving myself a pep talk. I step over the threshold and out into the hallway, closing the apartment door behind me.

We jump in the cab that’s waiting for us when we get outside and I stay silent the whole way to the bar, actually glad that we decided to forget about pizza now because there’s no way I could stomach any food.

The whole ride there, I concentrate on keeping my breaths even and about halfway there I feel Jess’s hand cover mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

I give her a small smile and take another breath, not wanting to seem like an utter wimp.

I’m starting to get frustrated with myself, a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have felt this way and even though I didn’t go out often back then, at least I knew I could.

I just want to be that person again, maybe not completely but I’d like to have her confidence back and that’s what all of this is for. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I have to tackle it head on and take the initial pain to get back too normal.

Stepping out of the cab when it pulls up beside the bar, I turn to Jess and ask, “Is this the place?”

It looks nothing like a bar, just an abandoned warehouse. The only thing that makes me slightly aware that it’s a bar is the big beefy guy stood at what I assume is the front door. When I say big, I mean huge.

I stumble as Jess drags me closer and my stomach goes wild as a hot and cold feeling washes over me. My eyes want to move away from his face but at the same time, I don’t want to move my eyes from him. He’s so much like...

“It’s fine,” Jess whispers out of the corner of her mouth. She nods at the man, obviously knowing him and he moves aside letting us past.

I wince as I walk past him, half expecting him to touch me but when he doesn’t, I breathe a sigh of relief. Once I’m inside, I realize that he didn’t even look at me, he didn’t even talk to either of us but that doesn’t stop the memories pounding through my head.

As soon as Jess pulls the next door open, there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s definitely a bar. The loud music and crowds of people dancing excites me but frightens me at the same time

My eyes roam the bar, taking everything in. The onyx counter top runs across a wall to the left in an L shape, next to it a door that says ‘staff only’. A dance floor sits off towards the right with a small stage that a DJ is stood on with all his equipment. The rest of the space is full of tables of all different heights and booths scattered along the walls, there’s a set of stairs that lead to another level where a man much like the one at the front door is stood.

I’m guessing that’s for the VIPs.

“Come on!” Jess shouts and pulls me towards the bar, nearly making me trip over my own feet. She pushes her way through the crowd, still holding onto my hand and flashes a smile at the barman. “Two vodka and cokes,” she says, holding up two fingers.

“Jess,” I whisper-shout in her ear. “I can’t drink that.”

Pulling back, I try to tell her with my eyes but she isn’t even listening to me because she’s too engrossed with looking around the bar.

“Ugh, those goddamn baseball groupies.” She rolls her eyes, turning back to the bar. Trying to see what she’s looking at, I scan the place looking for Scott. He’s the only one who I know that plays baseball and also the only one who would get Jess’s back up like that.

I spot Scott in a booth with several girls trying to get his attention but his eyes are firmly on Jess. They move to me and then away just as quickly before he snaps his head back, noticing that it’s me.

He’s never seen me out of the apartment, I don’t even see him on campus. Although the only time I go on campus is when I have classes or work and then I come straight home.

He leans over to the guy sat next to him and says something then stands up.

I try to get Jess’s attention but she’s too busy talking to the barman who’s making our drinks.

Feeling a pair of hands land on my shoulders, I jump but when I hear Scott’s voice, I calm a little although I really wish he wouldn’t touch me.

“You actually came,” he says moving to the side, his hands falling off me.

“Yep,” I reply, popping the p. I secretly tap my fingers three times on my thigh, careful to not let anyone see.

He smiles, the kind of brotherly smile that says he’s proud of me. I know Scott is slightly aware of how I am and all the quirks that I have but he doesn’t know why. Jess only knows some of the things, nowhere near the full story.

I watch Scott turn to Jess, fully aware of how much his whole demeanor changes when he sees who she’s talking to.

He steps behind her, his hands coming down on the bar either side of her, effectively caging her in. “You trying to hit on my girl, Mackenzie?” he growls and even over the loud music I can tell how angry he is.

“Nah,” the guy behind the bar replies, his voice bored. “Not my type.” He smirks, catching my eye and then looks away.