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“What do you remember of your human life?”

“Most of it, but it’s like remembering the plot to a movie. It doesn’t matter to me. I don’t feel anything about it. It simply happened.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Being human? No, not at all.” He paused for a moment, then added on. “Perhaps that isn’t entirely true. Sometimes I see how you react with others, how some things come so easily to you all, and I feel envious of that. I wish I knew what to say, how to act. Perhaps I do miss that.”

I bumped his shoulder with my own. “You don’t do so badly.”

“No?” He lifted his dark eyebrow as though to call me either a liar or an idiot. Worse, when I thought back, I saw his point. He was impossible to read, to understand, and how many times had I wanted to punch him in his face when he stared back with complete confusion over my annoyance?

Far too many times.

“Fine,” I said. “There might be times it’s a bit of a nuisance. Still, I don’t think I’d want you any other way.”

“You wouldn’t prefer me human? Or from another of the clans? It wouldn’t be easier?”

“Nope, not a bit. Trust me, I’ve dealt with all the Spirits and they’re all annoying in their own way. I think that’s what really binds us all together at the end of the day—it isn’t that we’re alike exactly, it isn’t common ground, it’s that we’re all really fucking annoying in totally different yet equal ways.” I shook my head. “Except for Knot. He is annoying in an entirely unhinged and extreme way no one else comes close to.”

Ruben didn’t laugh, but asked softly, “Are you sure you have to go? Can’t the others handle the Were problem on their own?”

I swung my feet some more, like burning off that little bit of energy helped me to settle. “No, I can’t. You know me better than that, don’t you? There’s a problem for people I care about—not just Galen, but you all. I can’t just sit back and do nothing when I know I could help. This is too important.”

“But you’re more fragile than the others.”

“Hey, you knock that off. In case you’ve forgotten, I fought an ancient weretiger—”

“Youwhat?”His sharp tone cut off my bragging and made me realize that, yeah, Galen had sort of skimmed over that part, hadn’t he? He hadn’t fully explained what had happened with the tiger, only what he’d said.

Which I totally understood the reason for. No one really needed to know that I’d done that or how close it had been to going very bad.

And yet I’d managed to out myself—as I usually did.

“Yes, fine, I fought a weretiger, and guesswhat?I won! So you really have no good reason to worry about anything. I’m tougher than I look. I mean, I survived getting framed for murder by vampires and I survived a crazed druggie who wanted to dig around in my skull. I can survive this, too. I think surviving might be one of my few really useful traits. No matter what happens, I tend to survive, somehow.”

“Until you don’t. That’s the thing people don’t realize until too late, that all trends end. You survive until one time you don’t. Until it’s all over and everyone else is left behind to realize that things are never as solid as they seem.” His voice was so soft, I had to strain to hear him, each word pained.

I got the sense it wasn’t just about me, however.

“Well, you don’t have to worry this time, at least. I’m sure it’ll all work out great. I’ll have Galen there and then whoever the other clans send. It’ll be one great big party and we’ll get it all taken care of fast.”

I didn’t believe that one bit, of course, and neither did he. When had thingseverworked out well? When had they gone my way? When had they not spiraled out of control into one big fucking mess where I had no idea how to get through it all?

However, I hadn’t been lying. No matter how back they got, no matter how difficult, I always came out on top at the end.

Well, maybe on top, but at least alive. That was the only one that really mattered at the end of the day. Alive meant I could keep trying, that I could make things better afterward, that I could continue.

On top? Winning? Those weren’t things I really knew much about, but scraping by to fuck up another day?

Well, that was one thing I was really damned good at.

Chapter Sixteen

“You don’t even want to try it?” my mom asked, a spoonful of something I could only identify as a fuck nope held out to me.

“No, I don’t.” I narrowed my eyes as though the food were the worst thing I’d faced recently. “I really, really don’t.”

She sighed and set the spoon back into the bowl. “Youneverwant to try anything. How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try?”