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“I don’t think all straight people have bad sex—maybe it was just me?”

Beth shook her head.

“It absolutely was not just you. I promise. But I also promise that not all women are as good as your hottie Taylor apparently is.”

Good Lord, she was giggling far too much lately, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“She isreallyhot, isn’t she?” Avery thought about Taylor this morning, that look in her eyes as she’d turned toward Avery in bed. “Do I think it’s so good because the sex I’ve had before was so mediocre that anything seems good to me?” And then she shook her head. “No, this is Taylor we’re talking about. I guess this is the advantage of having my first real sexual experience with a woman be with someone who has a lot of experience. But…” She bit her lip. “I hope it’s as good for her as it is for me. It probably isn’t, right? See, this is theproblemwith your first real sex with a woman being with one who has a whole lot of experience.” She shook her head. “Sorry, sorry, you wanted the fun stuff, not my insecurities, you don’t need to answer that.” She stood up. “Are we ready to make zucchini bread?”

Beth stood up, too.

“Sure, but you’re not getting away with that. Have you talked to her about this?” Beth handed her the basket of vegetables. “Wash and dry the zucchini while you answer that question.”

Avery stared down at the sink. Why had she even brought this up?

“We did, a little bit, at the beginning. I mean, the first time.” It felt scary to be this vulnerable with someone else, but she’d already started. “I told her I was nervous, and she was really great about it. And since then, she’s said some complimentary things about, um, how much she’s enjoying herself, so it’s not that she makes me feel bad, to be clear! I always feel good when I’m with her. It’s when I’m not with her that I wonder what she’s doing withme.” She picked up a kitchen towel and carefully dried the zucchini. “Oh God, I was going to stop, and I just kept talking, what is wrong with me?”

Beth took the zucchini from her.

“You’re having normal human emotions, that’s what’s not wrong with you.” Beth sent two zucchini through the food processor, and they came out in a perfectly grated pile.

“I guess, but this isn’t even a real relationship. I like her, Ireallylike having sex with her, I’m having a great time, but it’s all very relaxed. I think that’s why I’m not stressed around her, because I know it can’t go anywhere, so I’m not constantly worrying about what’s going to happen or if I’m being a good enough girlfriend or whatever.”

Beth dumped the shredded zucchini in a colander, then handed two loaf pans to Avery.

“Grease these. Okay, so…easier said than done, I know, but maybe you could talk to her about it? Do you think she’ll tell you the truth?”

“Yes,” Avery said immediately. She scooped up some butter and started on the first loaf pan. “She’s always honest with me.” She finished greasing one pan and started on the other. “Maybe that’s the problem, that I know she’ll be honest with me, so I don’t want to bring it up because I’m afraid of what she’s going to say?”

Beth measured out flour and salt and baking powder and didn’t say anything.

“Fine!” Avery said. “I know what you’re thinking, I’ll talk to her! Are you happy?”

“Very,” Beth said.

Avery set the loaf pans down. She was ready to change the subject.

“What are you and Greta going to wear for your wedding, do you two know yet?”

Beth handed her a carton of eggs.

“Crack four of these into this bowl. Greta and I just call it ‘the party,’ so we won’t slip and call it a wedding around someone else. But yeah, we know what we’re wearing.” She smiled down at the bowl of flour. “We went shopping together, actually. I know that’s not how you’re ‘supposed’ to do it, but we’ve done a lot of things you’re not ‘supposed’ to do, and it’s worked out great for us, so what’s one more thing? It was a really special day for both of us, I’m so glad we did it that way.”

Avery was so happy for Beth. And she was suddenly sad that she wasn’t invited to Beth’s wedding. Ugh, why did she feel like that? She and Beth had been friends for only a couple months, it was a small wedding, and she’d never even met Greta. Whyshouldshe be invited?

“That’s so great,” she said. “I’m glad that planning for the…party has been a happy time for both of you. Especially since so often I see people having the opposite experience.”

That look on Beth’s face when she thought of Greta, and their wedding, that look of total happiness and peace and love and security…she wanted that. Not now, not yet. But someday.

Beth took the bowl of eggs from her and measured sugar into it.

“Now for my favorite part, beating sugar into these eggs. And thank you, again, for suggesting the surprise wedding. I don’t think either of us would have had the idea on our own, and if we’d had either a big regular wedding or a quick courthouse one, we both would have been so unhappy—one of us because it wasn’t what we wanted and we’d hate every minute of it, and the other because our partner would clearly be so miserable. So, truly, thank you so much for talking to me about all of that when you’d literallyjust met me, and thank you for coming up with the ideal solution for both of us.”

Avery felt the ridiculous urge to cry. Maybe because she was so happy for Beth, maybe because she wished she could see the surprise wedding herself, maybe because that kind of happiness felt so far away for her.

“Well, you’re welcome. I’m glad I could help.”

Beth smiled at her.