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And afterwards, she endured the long, painful silence, half expecting Belle to hang up.
Then, “Have you been punishing yourself this whole time? Thinking it was all your fault?”
Allie couldn’t answer. Too much emotion squeezed her throat, cutting off words. Salty tears ran down her face.
“Oh, Allie.” Belle sniffed. “And what? You think God punished you by taking away your ability to have children?”
Well, yeah. That’s exactly what she thought. She’d disobeyed, and sin had consequences.
“By your silence, I guess the answer is yes.” Belle paused. “Allie, I want you to listen to me carefully. We don’t always haveanswers for the way or why things happen. But know this: God’s forgiveness is complete. He’s not punishing you. Remember that hymn? ‘My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more.’”
The melody ran through her mind.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul.
It had been a long time since Allie had felt like praising the Lord. Somewhere along the line, she’d stopped going to church. Every time she walked in the doors, she felt like an imposter. She didn’t belong.
Belle’s voice broke through her thoughts. “You’ve carried this burden too long. And you were never meant to.”
“I knew what I was doing, Belle. I lied to you. Lied to my family. How can you even stand to speak to me right now?”
“Mostly, I think you lied to yourself, Al, by thinking you deserve what you got. But there’s grace. Mercy. Loving kindness. Did you forget about those? Did you really think I’d reject you and all our years of friendship because you messed up?”
Maybe. Because those always seemed like things other people deserved. Not her.
“Forgiveness and mercy can never be earned. Because there’s only one person good enough to pay the debt for all our sin. Only one who could bear that burden. I love you, but it’s not you. And if Dakota is someone who has opened up your heart to start living again, if he’s heard all this and still wants a shot, maybe don’t write him off quite yet.”
Maybe she had a point.
“I’ll think about it.” A beep sounded on her phone. “I gotta go. I’m getting another call.”
“Okay, but, Al, I think Dakota is right. I think you should tell your parents. They’ve been worried about you too. You’re long overdue for a visit.”
“I know. I’ll talk to you soon.”
She pressed the icon to answer the other call. It was a local number.
Allie answered it quickly. “Hello?”
“It’s Ray.”
Ray? Why would he be calling her? “Where’s Jen? Are the boys okay?”
“I found your dog.”
“You have Scout?”
“I was driving out by the campground and saw him. He’s here.” His voice sounded different.
“How did you get this number?”
“It’s on his collar. Now, do you want the mutt or not? I don’t have all night.”
“Don’t go anywhere. I’m on my way.”
“You’ll have that reward too?”
“I’m not giving you a cent until I see my dog, and if there’s even a scratch on him, you can forget it.”