Page 17

He runs his hands through his almost non-existent hair. If he ever wore it longer, I’d bet it’d have some of the auburn in it that mine does. Our cousin Jacob was the only full red head in the family, but we all had a little. His leg jumps up and down, so he leans his elbows on his knees to calm it. “I’m doing what I know to do. I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying to keep Mom and Dad safe. I never thought I’d be coming back here, but...things fell into place that way. I never wanted to bring my shit back here.”
I watch him come undone, and it’s the first time since he’s returned that he’s opening up a little. “You know I wanted you back, right? We were devastated when you left.” I reach out and place a hand on his leg, lightly tapping him. “I would never wish you away again, no matter how mad I get.”
He clamps his hands around the back of his neck and stares ahead for a few minutes. The silence between us stretches out so long, but I know better than to push him. Even when he was younger, he needed time to process his emotions, and when he takes the time, the next thing out of his mouth is going to be genuine.
Turning, he props one of his knees up on the leather cushion next to him. “Things moved really quickly for me. I’m juggling a lot of things right now, and they’re all dangerous. You know who I am so you can guess.”
“I know what your job is,” I tell him. “It’s not who you are.”
He sighs like that’s a different argument he doesn’t want to get into.
“I was worried about this exact scenario before I came back. I tried to talk myself into the fact that none of you would want anything to do with me. Or even if you did, that who I am now would drive you away. Hell, I don’t even want you in this building right now because someone could be watching and wondering who you are to me, Leenie. There are always threats. That’s why I get on you about the guard. That’s why I’m conflicted about what to do next. If I let you back in again, you’re just going to get madder. Your lifewillchange. But to push you away fucking kills me. Okay? That’s what I’m thinking.”
I snap my jaw shut, swallowing the big ball of emotions lurking in my throat like a stalker. He just put my thoughts into words. We’ve been doing this push and pull since he got back. Hanging out, ignoring each other. Hanging out. Stepping back. “You’re my brother,” I tell him because it’s the only lame ass thing I can think of to say, but in those three words are so much truth.
“And I’m much more than that too,” he says. A mix of truth, fear, and conflict sears in his gaze, almost like it’s boiling to the surface like a brand. Maybe he’s right. Maybe he can’t be just my brother anymore. His responsibilities are too damn much.
Jax’s earlier words are echoed back to me.Life is unfair.
“We have to figure out something,” I tell him, lifting my chin. “I didn’t mourn you for years just to get you back only to let you live in the same damn town as me and never see you.”
“About that...” Cole sighs. The gang leader persona comes back into his expression again. His lips thin. He stands up straighter. He looks the part of ruthless, doesn’t-give-a-fuck Dragon. “I have to go away again.”
My stomach plummets. Just when I think we’re getting somewhere, reality slaps me in the face. So, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Yeah? Well, I’m telling Mom.”
8
He doesn’t say anything for a full five seconds. But in that span, he drops his gangster persona. “Shut the fuck up, Leenie Bear.”
What can I say? Humor is my lifeline.
I pull my phone from my pocket. “I will,” I threaten as if we were still kids playing in our shitty yard.
Cole tears the phone out of my hand and throws it on the opposite couch.
I watch it land with my mouth hanging open. “You’re such a jerk.” I narrow my gaze at him, and despite the fact that we’re play fighting, we’re still kind of fighting. The air around us is still thick with tension. “Are youleavingleaving?” I ask, laying bare one of my biggest fears when it comes to my brother. I’m mad about the cockblocking but that doesn’t mean I want him leaving again.
“I have something to do, and I don’t know how long it will take.”
I deflate. “So, you’re really leaving?” My disappointment hangs in the air between us like dirty sheets.
“There’s a girl who needs my help,” Cole says, a smile trying to play over his lips but dropping off again. He reclines back against the couch. “I have to...”
“Who is she?”
“Someone you don’t know.”
“A girlfriend?”
“Fuck no,” he snaps.
I roll my eyes. “You can’t get mad at me when I ask you things because you’re too damn secretive for your own good.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and leans his head back against the cushions. “Sorry,” he retorts, but it’s far from sincere. I let him take his time coming up with an answer again, and he voices it sooner this time. “I’m doing something for a really good friend of mine.” The muscles in his forearms tense. “He’s no longer with us and can’t do it for himself, so I’m doing it for him. I won’t be gone forever.” He turns his gaze back to me. “I just feel compelled to do this for him because he never got the chance.”
“For a gang friend?”
“A gang brother,” he softly corrects.