Page 134 of Fierce-Jax

She nodded. “He’s been clean for over ten years.”

“There has to be more to this if it’s taken that long for her to find her son,” he said. “She decided to stick with her husband.”

“I want to think that is why Alec felt the way he did. I’m trying not to judge, but maybe he did try to talk her into leaving and she wouldn’t. I didn’t ask that and she didn’t offer.”

“What did she offer?” he asked.

“That Luke and Alec never got along. They were too different people. I think Alec was weak in Luke’s eyes.”

“Sorry, but he sounds it. I’m being a dick and I don’t care. I’m calling it the way I see it. Do I feel bad for the kid that was abused? I absolutely do. Do I think he could have benefited from counseling? Yep, definitely. But he was a medical professional. He was an adult. He made poor weak choices in his life as an adult that had nothing to do with his childhood. Those things he did to you make him weak and a coward.”

“I know,” she said, throwing her hands up. “And I’m never going to forgive him for that. For putting me in that position. For not opening up to how he was feeling or what he was going through. For me not evenseeingit. I was wrong too. It was there in front of me and I turned a blind eye.”

“Don’t go there, Dillion. Don’t you dare blame yourself for his actions. You were focusing on your career and by the sounds of it ultimately going through a pregnancy and motherhood alone.You’re excused if you didn’t see the signs he should have been talking to you about.”

“Jax,” she said. “I know what Alec and I had was casual when it started and I was focused on my career and so was he, but when I found out I was pregnant, I should have been more aware of what was going on with him. I wasn’t. I only thought of myself.”

“You thought of yourself becausehewasn’t doing it,” he said.“Hewasn’t there for you. You know it. You said it. He wasn’t helping you. He’d taken shots at you because of the wealth you came from. Am I wrong?”

“No,” she said, her shoulders dropping. “I think of those things too. I think of lots of things. But he’s not here for me to scream at now. To take my anger out on. I have to go with what I know now.”

“And what’s that?” he asked.

“That Martha isn’t asking to see Gianna in terms of taking her for any time. Not even to meet her right now.”

“Thank God for that,” he said. “I’d be there fighting it right next to you.”

“I appreciate it,” she said. “Martha just wants to know some things about her granddaughter. I told her nothing. I showed her no pictures. I shared nothing more than she knew roughly when Gianna was born. I haven’t made any decision yet.”

“That’s all this lunch was about?” he asked.

“She wanted to know about Alec. She felt she lost him twice. Once, when he cut her out of his life and then when she found out he died. She’ll never get a chance to make it right. As a mother, I could feel for her there.”

“Did you tell her what Alec was like?” he asked. “How he died?”

“I wanted to. I wanted to say, look at what your actions did to your son. He never felt he was good enough. He stoledrugs to sell on the street, he ruined his career, and possibly his daughter’s life and my reputation before my career could even start. That it got him killed when the guy he was selling them to got pissed he was losing his supplier and might get caught too. That when he drove away, shot and killed Alec to make it appear as a random drive-by.”

Jax frowned. “Were you told that?” he asked.

“That’s what the police said to me. When they arrested the guy, he confessed. Is it the truth? No clue. Since the hospital was sweeping it under the rug that Alec was stealing meds, the police didn’t give a shit of the motive, just that he was guilty of the crime.”

“What did you tell Martha then?”

“I told her the truth. That Alec was a brilliant doctor. I told her anything positive I could about her son and nothing of the bad. What purpose would it have served now?”

He took a deep breath and then another and moved into her arms.

“None,” he said.

“That’s right. Then trust me when I say I’m not an idiot and can handle this on my own, but am willing to let you be part of it.”

42

HARD TO BALANCE

“Put me in a good mood for this now,” Dillion said.

She rolled over the next morning to see Jax’s eyes on her.