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“What’s happening to me?” My breathing quickened and Elaine sat up too. Diora stirred slightly then released another snore. “Arghh! I need water, or a fan, or ice – something cold, quick!” I stood and turned this way and that while Barb urged me to sit down and take a deep breath.

I didn’t listen, but went to the sink and splashed water on my face, undoing Barb’s handiwork. I continued until all the mask was off, my face a dripping mess, but still burning.

“Kel, calm down. You’re probably just having a hot flush,” Elaine said stiffly through a masked face, trying not to move her mouth.

“A what?” I kept fanning my face and Barb handed me a glass of water which I sculled instantly.

“Hot flush. You’ve been having them for a while now, since you started going through menopause.”

Oh no, it couldn’t be true. I was fifty, a mother, a grandmother-to-be and menopausal. I must have been a criminal in a past life to deserve this. Why, oh why was this happening?

“Breathe slowly, Kelli, in and out,” Barb instructed, as she massaged something cool onto my temples and then onto my wrists.

“Don’t worry,” Elaine said. “They’ll gradually reduce in frequency and severity. Mine only lasted a couple of years and then went away, about the same time as Peter left me. Funny that.”

That’s it. If I could wish for anything right now, I’d wish to be a man. They have it so easy, they don’t even realise how good they’ve got it. Bastards. I slowed my breathing and drank another glass of water, and gradually the heat dissipated, relief flooding my body.

“Feeling better?” Barb asked.

“Much,” I replied. “Are you sure it wasn’t one of the ingredients in that mask?”

Barb shook her head. “If anything, the mask should have a slight cooling effect. I’d say it was definitely a hot flush, I’ve had them too, I’d recognise one anywhere. Why don’t you lie down and we’ll start again?”

“Well, if you’re sure the product won’t cause it to happen again, then all right.” I wasn’t about to lose my chance of becoming the real me again.

I shifted position to lie down again and Diora woke up. “Did I fall asleep?”

Everyone nodded.

“What’d I miss?”

“Oh, nothing much. Just another day at the office,” Jilly said with a grin.

Diora settled back down and closed her eyes again, all of us silent as the facials continued. Drowsiness followed and for a moment I thought I’d even fallen asleep, but couldn’t be sure. My mind drifted, thoughts and memories floated around, and I relaxed for the first time today. When Barb announced softly that it was time to get up and she would meet me in the next room for hair and make-up, I felt like telling her to get stuffed. I could lay here forever. And then I remembered.

Take Ten Years Off. Proven to work. I opened my eyes and stood. Elaine, Diora and the therapists were nowhere in sight. With haste I walked to the mirror above the sink and prepared to see my youthful glow again. My smile sunk into a frown as the same old Kelli McSnelly stared back. I was somewhat softer around the eyes, my skin moistened with a dewy glow, but there was no denying my age. It hadn’t worked.

My frown lifted for a moment when I realised I still had my hair and make-up session to go and maybe that would be the final trigger that would shoot me backwards in time. Yes, I just had to stay positive. The facial was the primer and the make-up would do the rest. It had to. It bloody had to or I would consider jumping off that bungy tower without the rope this time.

I removed my gown, revealing my coral-coloured outfit, then, raising my chin I pushed open the door into the adjoining room to find Elaine showing Jilly photos of hairstyles on her e-pad and Diora sinking her feet into a footbath.

“We thought you’d never emerge,” Barb said. “C’mon, it’s time for your hair to get some attention.”

I sat in a chair and Barb fluffed my hair about with her fingers. “I take it you’ve already washed it today, so I’ll just style it. I hear you’ve got a business meeting soon. I’ll make it professional yet feminine, classy yet sexy.”

“What are you wearing tonight, Kel?” asked Elaine.

I almost said, ‘the red shimmery dress I bought last week’, but then realised that would have been twenty-five years ago and I’d bought that dress to wear to my twenty-fifth birthday party. Tonight was my fiftieth and with any luck I wouldn’t be around to have to decide what to wear. “It’s a surprise,” I said. “What about you?” Might as well humour her.

“Oh, you won’t believe what I picked up, I can’t wait for you to see it,” she replied.

The poor woman would have to wait because I wasn’t going to see it.

“How many guests are you having?” Jilly asked.

Oh, she was looking at me. “Um…” Diora, help me out here.

“I think around forty people are coming,” Diora revealed.