Page 131

I chuckled and nodded, watching Scotlyn kneeling down talking to Ava. "Yeah, I am."

Scotlyn joined us again, this time carrying Ava while balancing a plate in her other hand. I reached for Ava who grinned in my face. "She let me pick."

"Well… where's mine?"

"You have to share." Ava swung her head to Scotlyn and pointed at the plate of mini skewers.

"Fine, I guess I'll share." I pressed my forehead to hers, kissed her cheek, and turned to see Cress talking to Scotlyn. They had moved to the side. I couldn't hear what they were saying but both were smiling so I assumed Cress was doing what I asked. I let them have their moment. When they were done talking, Cress took Ava from me and tossed out that she would see us at the scholarship banquet.

Scotlyn and I found a spot at one of the benched tables and sat facing each other, but when she wasn't close enough, I dragged her to me and lifted her legs over mine.

"Cress's kids are beautiful."

"And spoiled."

"As they should be."

She glanced over at them then back at me. "Do you want kids?"

"Yes, do you?'

"I do but that doesn't mean I can have them."

"Why would you think you can't?"

"Because I waited too long."

This was the first time I ever considered our age difference, at forty-seven it would make things difficult, but not impossible.

"Is that a deal breaker for you?" she asked, pulling my attention back to her.

I thought about it for a minute, knowing it was, and I refused to lie. Aja had done that with me and it ruined us. "It is, but only in the sense that I want someone who will at least try. If it can't happen, that's one thing, but not even considering the possibility or lying to me about it? That shit won't work. I settled before and lost. I'm not doing it again."

"Yeah…" She got quiet and focused on the crowd until I gripped her chin and turned her eyes back to me.

"I want a family, Scot, but I also understand that what I want doesn't really fucking matter if that's not what the plan is for me or my life. There are couples who want families and it doesn't happen for whatever reason. Some shit you just can't control, and after what I've been through, I know better than to try. What I'm saying is I want the possibility. If you can't have kids, we'll figure something else out. There are other ways. Shit, we can adopt. I'm cool with however we get there, but what I can't accept is not being on the same page. If you want kids, we'll try to make it happen, but please don't lie to me about that. I really don't know if I could survive that shit again."

She lifted a hand and gripped the back of my neck, kissed me and smiled. "I'm sorry she took that from you and I would never lie because I know how much it means to you. If this works, and that's where we end up, then yes, I want a family and I'm also good with however we get there."

I stared at her face for a minute and nodded before I brought her closer, gripped her ass, and shifted her onto my lap, not caring who was potentially watching. "Then we'll figure it out."

She nodded and leaned in to kiss me. "We'll figure it out."

I hated having to trust her with this but I was willing to because everything about her and us felt right. So I was willing to take a chance on this woman and prayed it didn't fucking destroy me, but deep down inside, I knew it wouldn't because this time, I had someone in this for all the right reasons.

twenty-three

Scotlyn.

The doorbell rang and I sprinted from the living room to answer it then launched myself at Tezni. "I missed you."

"You should. Out here living your best life like you don't love me anymore."

I grinned and hugged her tighter. "There is no best life without you."

"Hoe, I know that."

"Come on." I grabbed her carry on and the small size reminded me that she was only here for two days. This was going to be the hardest part about not being in New York. Ninety percent of my life was work and traveling for work, but what little free time I did have was spent with her. Especially after the divorce. She damn near moved in with me because I was so devastated and didn't know what to do with myself. For the first week I pretended I was okay and threw myself into work but cried all night. Tezni allowed me space then bombarded me with all her love when she showed up with what she called a "fuck him fam, fix that shit" friend kit. We engaged in food, fun, a feelings dump, and lots of liquor. In one weekend, I was fifty percent better and slowly improved while she stayed by my side,making sure I knew I was loved, valued, and more importantly, his greatest loss.