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Jaxon
Iknew I was going to hurt her. Thatwhat was happening between us was important—not just because she was a virgin, but because afterward, lying next to her, I wanted to stay. Be with her.
I was ready to throw everything away for her. I wanted to. And that made her dangerous.
I thought about waking her up, telling her everything I should’ve told her the night before. Tell her that I was leaving. Make her understand that I didn’t have a choice. But making her understand would require the truth, and in the cold light of day, I lost my nerve because the thought of her looking at me, thinking about what happened between us with regret, killed me.
So I left. Told myself it was okay because she’d get over me. Move on. Find a good guy. One who had more to offer her than a fucked up past and a life of waiting for me to come home. Because I had to leave. No matter what I wanted, laying there with her in my arms, I knew I had to go. I never had a choice.
I told myself that by walking away, I was doing right by her and I believed it.
My reasons don’t matter. Neither does the fact that leaving her behind was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I hurt her.
And that makes me the wrong guy for her.
Wrong or not, I looked at her, standing in front of me on that porch, and I wanted her. Realized I never really stopped—and even though she hates me, she wants me too.
I saw it on her face when she looked up at me. Jerked her arm from my hand. She likes how seeing me again makes her feel. My hands on her. Inside her. But she doesn’t trust me. Might never trust me again.
I don’t believe you.
Too fucking bad.
I’m the one who broke her.
I know that.
But I’m the only one who can put her back together.
I know that too.
There’s only one way I can do that.
Tell her the truth.
Make her understand that my leaving had nothing to do with her.
You tell her the truth and it’s over. She’ll never look at you the same way again. She’ll regret everything that happened between you, more than she already does. She might even blame you. Think it was your fault…
Maybe.
Maybe she’ll hear the truth about me and tell me she never wants to see me again. But she needs to know. I owe her that much after the hurt I caused.