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“Hurting, but she’s strong. She’ll get through this.” I glance over my shoulder and watch as he looks over at her sleeping soundly on the couch.

I turn and take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I heard what you did for Cassidy, that’s must have been awful. I’m sorry.”

He clears his throat and sniffs, as if he were fighting back tears. “Yeah well, anyone would have done it in that situation. I’m no hero.”

“I think you are, not everyone would have or could have.” He shrugs his shoulders as if it were no big deal.

“How are you doing?” I ask, concern in my tone. I worry it's stirred things up from his military days. I don’t know the ins and outs, but I know he was there when Scotty died, so Cassidy flat lining on him must have affected him somehow.

We just stand in silence. The coffee machine beeps, and I turn around to place the second cup under.

“We need to talk,” he says firmly and the hair on the back of my back stand on end.

“I know something happened to you when you were a teen, and I need to know what.”

I grip hold of the counter to steady myself and close my eyes. My heart beats so loud it muffles his voice.

“Gabriella,” he says loudly and I spin to face him, worried he will wake Ali.

“Brad, please not now,” I beg.

“No, right now is when we are doing this, Gabriella.” He cups my face, and I can feel the tremors going through his body.

“It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter. Please don’t ask me to relive it.”

“Why won’t you tell me?’ he asks, hurt filled in his voice.

“Probably the same reason why you won’t tell me why you pushed me away. Some things are just better left buried.” I say.

He shakes his head, releasing the hold he has on me.

“This is messed up.” He mutters under his breath. He’s right, it is.

“Are we going to talk about the other night?” he asks, closing the space between us.

I lower my voice. “That night was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come over. It was a moment of weakness.”

“Bullshit,” he spits.

“I think we need some space.” I say, not meaning a single word of it because all I want to do is to be with him. But I need to sort this situation with Patrick before I can think of pursuing anything with Brad. It’s not fair to him to have him believing my relationship with Patrick is real and string him along. I need to be here with Ali. She’s going to need me over the next couple of months while she prepares for the parole hearing. I fear I’ve let her down too much already.

“Why, tell me why?” He brings my face just inches from his and it would be so easy to press my lips to his and just get lost in him.

“Because Ali needs me, I need to be here for her and I’m… I’m with Patrick.”

“But what do you want, Gabriella? What does your heart and mind crave? Because, I could easily tell you what mine does.”

I shake my head and step out of his hold.

“What you want matters.” He reaches for me again and I hold up my hands in defeat. No, if he says it’s me I’ll crack. I’ll break and I’m not sure I’ll be able to piece myself back together.

What I want doesn’t matter, it’s never mattered, and I was naïve and silly to believe it did. I should have stayed in my lane, in the background like I always have, and no one would have got hurt.

He steps closer and we both startle when we hear Ali stir. I turn and begin making her a cup of tea and he walks over to her on the couch. My hands tremble as they carry the mugs overto them. I make my excuses to go get changed and head for my bedroom, stifling down the sobs that want to tumble out of me.

I close the door, run to my bathroom, turning on the shower and fall back on the hard tiled floor and cover my mouth with my hand and let my tears fall. It’s all one giant mess and I don’t know where to begin with the clean-up. Either way, there’s a risk. I risk losing my family and ruining their lives, and my own, or I risk hurting the only man who has made me feel seen, who wanted me for me and not a version of myself that I put out there. The one man who made me feel like I was more than enough.

Chapter Forty-Four