Page 33 of Demon's Bane

It seems pretty damn unbelievable, even to me, that I’d have a part in any of it.

What I wouldn’t give for another five minutes with my best friend to figure all of this out.

Wildly, I glance to the woods like I could see all the way back to the swirling white light of the Veil.

What would happen if I tried to step through? Would I wind up in the demon realm, or maybe in faerie or one of the other thirteen? Is there any way I could go through and try to find her, talk to her, fix the mistake I just made?

Esme follows my gaze, then looks at me like she could read all those thoughts clear as day on my face.

Still, when she speaks, her tone has shifted. Quieter, without its usual edge of High Priestess authority.

“What did you and Allison talk about?”

“Not about the crystal thefts, if that’s what you’re—”

“It’s not.” Esme meets my eye, and it’s like the High Priestess has stepped aside for the moment with how different she looks. Softer and harder at the same time. Vulnerable and determined. “That’s not what I meant. I only wanted to know if you thought she seemed…”

Happy, I realize as her words trail off.

High Priestess Esme Hawthorn wants to know if her daughter is happy.

Suddenly, the weight of the entire evening settles down on my shoulders.

The weight of the entirecovensettles down on my shoulders. All my years in it, all my years away from it. The terrible, twisted things it does to mothers and daughters, aunts and nieces, sisters, friends.

I feel the weight of all the good parts, too. The awe and wonder and magick. The community it might be if things weren’t the way they are.

It’s bone-deep, exhausting, and when I study Esme’s unguarded expression, I almost think I can see the weight of it there, too.

“Yeah, Esme. I think she’s happy. She and Eren seem good together, like they’re figuring all of this out.”

For one more moment, Esme seems almost human. Hopeful and relieved to hear her only child isn’t suffering because of all the mistakes she’s made as a mother.

It doesn’t last. With a brisk nod, she hides all that vulnerability beneath the High Priestess’s mask once more.

“Well,” she says. “I’ll let you get back. And I’ll await your message when your hear from Seren.”

With that, without waiting for me to keep arguing or demand anything else from her, she turns to go. Back into the cover of the forest, back to the coven.

8

Joan

On the drive back to Beech Bay, I’ve got a whole new set of emotions to stew over.

Exhaustion and guilt and anxiety over everything that happened tonight, and all the additional problems it opened up. Uncertainty about what happens next, what I need to do, how I can make any of this better. It all rolls around in my head and my gut as I make it back to my shop just before midnight.

I’m not feeling any better when I step inside the front doors.

The apartment upstairs is dark. Knowing Rhett’s probably already asleep and all I’d be doing is going up to silence and the thoughts clamoring around in my head, I pace across the shop a couple of times.

Marli did a perfect job closing up. The chairs are flipped up on top of the tables and the floor has been mopped. The front counter is tidy and clean. There’s even a note about the baked goods she prepped for the morning, and more that she whipped up and left in the cooler so they’ll be ready to bake bright and early.

I should go upstairs.

I should creep into my apartment and hope my demon roommate is already asleep.

I should take a shower, lock myself in my bedroom, and try to get a good night’s sleep for once.