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“Wait.” I blinked. “Dad wasn’t disemboweled by a bird?”

“A pterodactyl, basically,” Ozzie clarified.

The doctor blanched. He hurriedly flipped through the chart, no doubt panicked he’d shared medical information with the wrong family. “Marston Gunn,” he said, and peered up. When no one corrected him, the doctor lowered the clipboard. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, but your father has coronary artery disease. He chose to roll the dice and not do anything surgical. But he didn’t follow treatment protocol, resulting in the heart attack he suffered today.”

***

The story went like this. Last summer, after repeated bouts of chest pain and frequent shortness of breath, Ustenya forced Dad to see a doctor, where they discovered a buildup of plaque in the wall of an artery, which affected the flow of blood to the heart. Their father was presented with three options.

On the most extreme end, he could undergo a bypass to create an alternate path around the blockage. A second, less invasive choice was to use a balloon to widen the artery and insert a stent. Open-heart surgery wasn’t exactly risk-free, and both the surgery and the stent merely reduced symptoms but didn’t solve CAD. Dad picked the third option: cardiac rehabilitation, but didn’t really do this, either.

“Your father was impossible!” Ustenya said. “Sauerkraut forbrains. He told me no to everything under the sun. No surgery, no balloon, and his diet was horse dick. I thought it was going to kill him. I’d be a widow, and he’d be smelling worms from below.”

“Yet... he decided to run for office?” Talia said. “And you were fine with it?”

“I was not fine! When he mentioned it, I almost divorced him on the spot.”

Alas, Ustenya loved him too much to follow through, and with her back against the wall, she supported the politics thing, hiring a personal physician and dragging his children along for the ride. If things went sideways, at least the whole family would be there when hepaid the priest.

“I figured he’d enjoy having you around,” Ustenya said. I looked at my siblings, and we all silently agreed that the notion Dad enjoyed our presence was a wild assumption to make. “And maybe a new adventure would be a stress reliever. He could forget about losing the old business and focus on something new.” Ustenya’s brow darkened. “But I did not anticipate he might be the loser in last place.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Talia crossed her arms. “It makes us look like idiots, being kept in the dark.”

“Parents should not shackle children with their problems,” Ustenya said.

“We’re adults,” Talia said. “And if our dad drops dead, it’s our problem, too. We’ve been shielded from a lot of stuff over the years, and I’m not sure whether you’ve noticed, but we’re all a bit screwed up.”

Ozzie cackled. “Heard that,” he said.

Ustenya sighed and closed her eyes. “You’re right, of course. All these things you’re saying. But we are humans. And humans take a long time to learn from our mistakes.”

Interstitial

California Democrats cancel convention among norovirus surge

BY DAMIEN PATTERSON,The Sacramento Bee

SACRAMENTO—A violent stomach flu caused California Democratic Party officials to cancel the remainder of their state convention on Saturday night, “for the health and safety of our delegates.”

California Democrats had been meeting in Sacramento this weekend to consider candidate endorsements ahead of the March primary, including for the competitive U.S. Senate race that features three sitting U.S. House members.

“It was horrific,” one delegate toldThe Sacramento Bee. “People were vomiting right there in the convention hall.”

According to several independently verified reports, by three o’clock, most of the toilets were backed up, and every trash can was full to overflowing with underwear and soiled khakis.

“The things I’ve seen,” another delegate said, shaking her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever recover.”

By six o’clock, the chaos reached its peak, with all but two toilets declared officially out of service, and one third of the delegation lying on the floor. Democratic Party spokesperson Keisha Finch was forced to announce the evening’s events had been canceled.

“For the health and safety of our delegates and convention participants, we are canceling tonight’s caucus meetings, hospitality suites, and VoteFest,” Finch said.

Voting for the U.S. Senate endorsement finished minutes prior to the cancellation, but no candidate reached the 60% of votes required to earn the party’s formal nod. Given the crowded and well-funded field, this was not a surprising result.

U.S. Rep. David Slimp has been widely deemed the favorite due to name recognition and his $35 million war chest, but in this first round of voting, he was second to U.S. Rep. SandraGrant. U.S. Rep. Angie Parker came in third. The full breakdown was as follows:

Rep. Sandra Grant: 934 (40.2%)

Rep. David Slimp: 870 (37.5%)