Page 63 of Craving Carla

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Carla

Ishift around in the bed, stretching as memories of last night flood back to me. Amari, the way he saved me, killing Ackley, then taking me home, washing the blood from my body before making passionate love to me.

What began as a nightmare of a date ended with a beautiful night of passion. The way Amari kissed me, touched me, licked me—I felt like a woman, the most beautiful woman in the world. His sweet words still in my mind.

I smile, then open my eyes and turn to my side.

I stiffen. The bed is empty.

I draw in a sharp breath, then grab the pillow Amari was resting on and pull it to my nose, taking in his scent. Why am I so upset? I knew this was coming. He’s fated and I’m not. I have no claim to the man. He simply did me a favor.

Still, tears escape, and I start to cry, sitting up on the bed and tossing the pillow away. I stand up too abruptly and fall back onto the mattress. My legs are wobbly. I take a momentto myself, then finally stand up again, slowly heading for the bathroom.

I notice Amari’s duffel bag is no longer in the chair. When I walk into the bathroom, it’s been fully cleaned up, all our clothes picked up from the floor, and the blood washed away. He even tidied up the sink, putting away all the products I pulled out when making a mess of my bathroom to get ready for my date.

I step out and go to the linen closet to pull some fresh towels, then proceed to the bathroom and start the shower. I step in to wash the passion from my body. I’m sore, but it’s manageable.

Even the heat from the shower doesn’t ease the pain I feel in my heart.

I hope I can handle the next couple of days with Amari here, helping us secure the borders from radical activity without making things awkward. I know the kind of man he is. I’ve known from the beginning, so this shouldn’t shock me when he acts like nothing ever happened.

But still, I press my hand against the shower wall to steady myself and break, crying uncontrollably. Damn, this hurts worse than knowing my date was nothing but a sham to get my blood.

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m going back into the shadows. I can’t do this anymore. It was easier there. I can’t keep fighting for Wintermoon’s acceptance.

After my shower, I dry off and walk over to my dresser, lotion up, then slide into a fresh pair of underwear. I grab a nightgown from my drawer and put on some deodorant. Then I go back to the bathroom to brush my teeth before making my way downstairs into the kitchen for something to eat.

When I arrive in the kitchen, I’m suddenly not hungry. I decide to leave, grabbing my robe that’s draped over my sofa and sliding into it. I open my cabin door and step out, pulling it shut behind me. I walk down my porch steps and through the clearing, heading for the forest. I’m going to tell my children thatthis might be our last week out of the shadows. We aren’t leaving Wintermoon, but it’s time to go dark again. I’m done trying. I can’t handle it anymore.

I travel into the forest, searching for my children. I can feel them, but I can’t see them. I stop in a small clearing, the trees giving the forest a dim lighting—I can’t see the sun.

“Children, come out,” I say, and I don’t have to ask twice. Within seconds, they start appearing from spaces where it’s surprising they can hide given their size—under logs, caves they’ve dug underground, behind thin trees.

Tofi and Niko lead the charge, Tofi’s burgundy body standing out as they move. I lean down, petting each of them as they gather around me, their legs tapping gently against my hands.

“My babies,” I murmur, running my fingers over Tofi’s bristly back. She immediately sends me images of Amari, asking where he is. She spells out “Daddy” in images with a question mark.

I smile sadly and shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know where Amari is, honey. I woke up and he was gone. And I wish you would stop calling him that. He’s not your father.”

Tofi spells out “Daddy” again in images, and I just sigh and decide to ignore it. I look over my children, placing my hands on my hips.

“I have something to tell you,” I say, glancing around the forest for a moment. “We need to go back into the shadows.” I pick up Kenzo, one of the smaller arachnids, and hold him close, gently stroking his back and kissing his head. “Mommy’s tired of fighting for a place for us. We’ll stay on Wintermoon, but hidden. Just you and me.”

Tofi stomps her legs roughly on the ground, and I can see the frustration in her eyes. She shows images of Amari and spells out “Daddy” again.

I sigh, starting to get frustrated. “Tofi, please.”

She sends images of Amari holding me, kissing me, making love to me in bed. I glare at her, my cheeks burning.

“Now that is an invasion of my privacy. And Amari is not your father—you need to stop this now.”

Tofi gets frustrated and stomps her legs into the ground, but she doesn’t push me any further.

“Can you and the others build me a web bed in the trees? I want to lie down and think.”

They immediately comply, climbing up the trees. I smile, watching as they build me a beautiful bed, weaving their silk into a strong, intricate cradle among the branches. A piece of the silk web falls down in front of me, thick enough to be a rope. I grab it and am lifted into the air, then gently placed on the bed they’ve created.