Page 27 of Craving Carla

Then he flashes that infuriatingly beautiful grin, the one that drives me absolutely crazy. How is it even possible to want someone and hate them at the same time? It’s enough to make me lose my mind!

“This is what you’ve been hesitating to tell me,” he says, and I nod to him, still not trusting his reaction.

“I was afraid you’d freak out if you saw them, like everyone else does,” I admit, watching his face carefully for any sign of disgust or fear. “My children have been protecting the border from radical humans, but they’ve found ways to counteract that protection.” I close my eyes and Amari’s little friend clings to me a little tighter, feeling my pain. “The radicals killed two of my children, and that’s why King Amir pulled me from the border and Damon called on you for help. I can feel their deaths, the pain, the agony of their loss.”

“Ah, I see now,” Amari says, his voice genuinely sympathetic.

I give the spider clinging to me a soft pat, and then images of Amari start to flood my mind. I see him being fatherly, loving, caring for all my children, not just his little friend. Then the image shifts, and I see the word “daddy” spelled out clearly in my mind’s eye.

Daddy? I snort at that. Amari is not their father, not by a long shot.

Then more images come—me in Amari’s arms, his face buried in my hair, his hands on my body. I snort even louder at that ridiculous fantasy.

“Um, no,” I say, giggling despite myself. Little Friend scurries down from me and back behind Amari’s legs, as if hiding from my rejection.

“What did he say to you?” Amari asks, brow furrowed. “He only ever speaks to me, and his communication is different.”

“Through imagery,” I finish, and Amari grins at me, his eyes alight with understanding. But I’m not telling him what his little friend just told me. He’s suggesting I’m fated to Amari, and that is wrong. I don’t have the fated scent, so there’s no way I could be mated to him.

Now that I think about it, sadness washes over me. I need to introduce Moria to her mate. She’s not alone, like we all assumed she was. It’s just me.

Just me.

The depression hits so suddenly it feels like a physical blow. My vision blurs with unshed tears. Amari looks down at his friend, then back at me, his expression shifting to concern.

“Carla, have we done something to upset you?” he asks, but I just point at his little friend.

“Moria,” I say, though I know he doesn’t know who I’m talking about, “your mate. She’s here. I’ll take you to her.”

Amari looks down at the arachnid, grinning at his reaction. The way his legs tap against Amari’s feet, I can tell he’s communicating with him. Amari’s grin widens and he chuckles.

“Ah, I understand now. My little friend has a mate,” he says, and I swallow, nodding to him.

“And why does this upset you?” he asks, his gaze probing.

I glare at his question, and immediately he clears his throat, adjusting his suit and falling silent.

The answer is clear, even if I don’t say it out loud. It’s because I’m fucking alone. Everyone has a shot at happiness except for me. Always except for me. What the hell did I do in a past life to deserve this?

His little friend starts sending me images of me kissing Amari, our bodies intertwined, his hands in my hair. I glare at the spider.

“Stop, just stop,” I snap at him, and his legs curl up for a moment. Then he disappears behind Amari, using that magical technique all my children seem to possess.

“Don’t snap at him, Carla,” Amari warns, his voice hard. “He may be one of your children, but I’m not going to let you mistreat him.”

I scoff at that, but I don’t have an argument for his comment. Amari wins again. Goddamnit.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, feeling guilty for taking my frustration out on Little Friend. “He keeps trying to say that you’re his father. Which is true in a sense. You’ve been companions for a while, I guess.”

Amari smiles at me, his expression softening again. “Since 1492. I found him in Granada; the last place I’d expect to see an arachnid this size.”

I can’t hold back my tears any longer. They spill over, hot tracks down my cheeks that I wipe away angrily. Amari starts to step forward, but I hold my hand up to stop him.

“I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need your little friend’s fantasies. So don’t come near me trying to console me,” I snap, wiping my face and sniffling.

“Just follow me. We’ll finish the assessment tomorrow. I’ll take you to Moria right now. She’s around here somewhere.”

I hear Amari take in a sharp breath as I start heading deeper into the forest. They keep a few feet behind me as I look around at what seems like an empty forest.