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“It is, but what I had to do in order to get it, wasn’t.”
Schön raised a brow.
“I didn’t like that I had to flirt with her. I even went as far as hugging her.”
She turned her head and looked out at the sea.
“Schön?”
“If there’s anyone who understands, Magnet, it’s me.”
I wished I could hold her hand in mine or wrap my arm around her shoulders. I truly hated being undercover as her father. “I know you do, and I don’t ever want you to feel that way again.”
She looked from the sea to me. Her eyes were scrunched.
“I know I’m overstepping in what I just said, but I’m going to go even further. As long as you are on the Albanian task force or in any role whatsoever in the coalition, I will not allow you to ever be put in the position of having to do what you’ve done in the past.”
“You don’t need to talk around it. I was a sexpionage agent. A honey trap. To say I won’t ever engage in the practice again is naive on your part, though, Magnet.” She took a deep breath. “We do what needs to be done. While I didn’t enjoy assignments such as those, is it any worse than assassinating someone? Or interrogation when we’re forced to employ methods that should be defined as torture?”
She was right. Most agents were assigned things that, given the choice, they would not have wanted to do. It wasn’t just in intelligence. There were unpleasant jobs or tasks in every walk of life. “Apologies,” I said under my breath. “I meant no disrespect.”
“I know you didn’t, and there’s no need for you to feel sorry. It’s more that I don’t want you to pity me in the same way you don’t pity Oleander for what she may have been forced to do. Anyone, really.”
I had so much respect for Schön. Far more than I did when Nemesis first announced she would be one of Zeppelin’s and Verity’s handlers on the St. Moritz op. However, I feared in telling her so, it would continue to sound as though I felt sorry for her.
“Did you mean what you said?”
“Um, I would like to say I did, but can you be more specific?”
“That we’d make a good team and that, while we weren’t there yet, you could see it happening.”
“Every word.”
“That’s what matters, Magnet. That you believe in me as an agent. That you don’t look at me and see a woman you’d like to have sex with.”
Had someone hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer, I doubted it would’ve had a greater impact than the words Schön had just uttered. I had no idea how to respond, even though I felt very much as though I should.
“Magnet?”
“I heard you.” When I swallowed, it felt like a rock was in my throat. “I can assure you, you will never have to fear that I will see you as anything but an exemplary intelligence agent, one I am proud to have on my team.”
She nodded and stood. “I’ll head back now.”
I was about to offer to come with her, but something told me we both needed time and space on our own to think.
10
SCHÖN
I’d set both myself and Magnet up when I said what mattered was that he believed in me as an agent and didn’t see me as someone he wanted to have sex with. It wasn’t exactly what I meant. What I’d hoped was that he’d see me as a woman who would be more than a hookup.
“You will never have to fear that I will see you as anything but an exemplary intelligence agent.” His words were in direct response to what I’d said, but God, they hurt like hell. Why hadn’t I just kept my mouth shut? Why had I envisioned a different dialogue in my head that would be completely unrealistic, and if not that, then inappropriate?
Now that we’d collected the two DNA samples as was our objective, we’d return to Shere maybe even as early as this evening. Given I wouldn’t be working as closely with Magnet, I could distance myself, not hang on his every word, and not look for his constant approval and acceptance. Perhaps I could work more with Verity—if she accepted the apology I intended to issue as soon as I could. Or Nemesis, not that she’d have time to mentor me. There were several women at the command center I could request to shadow. If one of them would agree to mentor me, it would make separating myself from Magnet less difficult. No doubt, he’d appreciate being relieved of the responsibility of training me.
After returning to the resort, I gathered my things, making sure I packed the items Verity had sent with Magnet separately from my extra makeup brushes. Then I changed into travel clothes so, once our departure was announced, I’d be ready.
“Has there been a change in the op I’m not aware of?” Ehren asked. “Or is it you alone who’s leaving?”