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God, there it was again. That little floating sensation in my chest that I’d been feeling all the time lately. When he would play with Lainey, when he would dote on me. When he would do something silly when he didn’t think he was being watched. Like singing in the shower. Like narrating the domestic argument going on amongst a set of seagulls.

“Seriously, though. Thank you.”

He shrugged that off. “I had fun.”

“Fun. Wiping my sweaty brow and shoving medicine down my throat. And changing diapers. And doing laundry...”

“Yeah, fun,” he said, giving me a smirk. “You take care of yourself. And Lil’ Bit.”

With that, he climbed out.

And I swear the second the door closed, the morale in the car plummeted.

Suddenly, I was acutely aware of the sinus pressure under my eyes, the way I could only breathe out of one nostril, how my hair was pulled too tight, making my scalp hurt.

As if in the same exact headspace, Lainey started to grumble and kick in her car seat.

“I know,” I agreed, since there was no one else to hear what I was about to say. “I already miss him too. But we are going to be okay without him. We are going to go take Blue on a walk,” I told her, injecting pep into my voice that I didn’t feel.

Lainey was easier to distract than I was. She hooted at Blue, watched the surroundings with wide eyes, laughed at some boys who whizzed by on their bikes while chanting some dirty rhyme.

Me? I was stuck in my head, stuck in my sour mood. Not even Blue’s whole body wiggles or his incessant kisses could lift my spirits.

All I could think of was Coast going back to his clubhouse. To the parties and women.

I had no claim on the man, but the idea of him carrying around another woman, bringing her drinks, giving her those smirks and smiles I’d grown so fond of so quickly, made my stomach churn enough that I didn’t even bother to stop and have lunch or dinner between jobs.

“I think it’s almost time to upgrade your car seat,” I told Lainey as I hauled her out of it, dreading the idea of carrying the bulky thing all the way back up to our apartment again. “Though we might have to pick up several more jobs a day to save up for one,” I added as we neared our room.

“Hey girl!” Brooke called, coming out of her room in her bare feet—bright yellow toenails on full display. The proof of her time spent with her kids at the pool was out in the open, too. Tan lines from her bikini, jean shorts, and flip-flops spoke to hours in thesun, the way some freckles stood out across her nose and cheeks despite knowing she lathered herself and the kids up every hour or so when outside.

“Hey, Brooke,” I said, giving her my first genuine smile of the day.

“Feeling better? You don’t look like death no more.”

“Yeah. Still have the head cold thing going on, but feel mostly human again. Lainey too.”

“That’s good. Getting any ick is the worst with kids. But it seems like you had some help on your hands,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“It’s not like that.”

Fine, it had been for just a few moments. In the bathtub. But I’d convinced myself it was just an ‘of the moment’ type of thing. Nudity and closeness and hormones.

Nothing else had happened since. Not even close.

“That’s a shame. That is one fine man.”

“He had a black eye.”

“What can I say? Bad boys have always been catnip to me. Which is why I have sworn off men. I can’t be trusted. Anywho. You got a delivery while you were gone,” she said, walking back to her room to grab a large box. “I didn’t want to let it sit out, so I snatched it for you.”

“You’re the best,” I said.

“What’d you order?”

“I didn’t. Coast has been on a buying spree,” I told her, nodding my head toward my room that was now a lot fuller than it used to be.

Brooke’s jaw went slack as she took in the baby swing, the activity saucer (that Lainey was still too small for), the tummy time mat, and the various other items he’d ordered and had delivered same or next day, then spent an hour or two assembling.