Page 48

I don’t technically need the money. Kato and the other two can more than provide me with anything I could ever want or need.

But…well, damn. I sold my dignity for that cash. It’s mine. I will forever carry the shame of what I did to earn any and every penny for the rest of my life. So the least they can do is let me keep it, even if I simply stash it under the mattress for the rest of my life.

He releases his grip on me and stands so quickly I flinch away instinctively.

Yet another fun thing I learned while on my own – some men hit women. Yeah. Sure. My father had been slap-happy with my mom growing up, but considering that my only relationships had been with Brix, Madd, and Kato, I had never had a man raise a hand to me before arriving in Georgia.

Brix either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, because he steps out of the tub and grabs a towel, keeping his back to me as he wraps it around his hips without bothering to hide it.

This is the first time I’ve seen his back since, well, four years ago. It’s covered in ink, just like his chest, abs, and arms, but that’s not what has me gaping.

Spread from shoulder to shoulder and taking up nearly the entirety of his back is Mount Everest.

He permanently etched a memorial of me into his flesh. It’s far more than the barely visible raised E that is now covered with tattoos, though that ink is fairly faded because of the scar tissue.

“B,” I whisper, leaning against the side of the tub, my wide eyes roaming across the intricate shading.

He glances at me over his shoulder but says nothing.

“You…” I don’t know what to say. I don’t have any words.

Yes. I do.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…I’m sorry. I know I’m not just another fuck. Another random lover. And, of all people, I have no right to throw that shit in your face. You were trying to survive. Just like I was.”

No. He wasn’t fucking people for money. He wasn’t dancing naked to buy food.

He was trying to find a way to chase away the same wretched ache I have carried in my heart and soul all this time.

Climbing from the tub, I ignore the towel sitting folded on the ledge and carefully cross the space between us. The fact his back is still to me, that he refuses to look at me makes the space feel more like miles instead of mere feet.

Running my fingers along the lines of the beautiful design of one of the most – if notthe most– famous mountains in the world, fresh tears start to burn my eyes.

I’ve cried more today than I have in years. Once I decided I had to push forward, forget the life I planned with my husbands, and accept they would move on, I refused to shed another tear.

That all went right out the window when I was forced to open my chest and give Brixton a peek inside, revealing all the ugly details of the one night that changed our lives and our future together.

He releases a shuddering breath and his muscles tense under my touch.

“You never let me go,” I whisper.

“No.” Just the one word. And then, “I couldn’t. Even when we were told you ran off, I always thought…but when you didn’t come back, I forced myself to accept it. Then I had Nico do that, so I could still have a piece of you with me.”

Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. I try to turn him with a hand on his bicep, but I might have better luck turning a goddamn boulder for how immovable he is.

Fine.

I round his side until I’m standing directly in front of him and crane my neck to look up into his face. He’s over a foot taller than me. Then again, he’s taller than everyone I know. And now that he’s so big everywhere, he’s so…

He just emits power and dominance. Oozes it from his fucking pores.

“Please look at me,” I beg.

He lowers his eyes so he’s looking down his nose at me.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry for the time we lost. I’m just…” Tears choke me, and I have to swallow twice before I can say, “I’m just so fucking sorry, Brix. I wish I could take that night back. I wish I’d have fought harder, or maybe I should have just run off with the three of you as soon as Maddox brought it up instead of going back to the house.”

Again with the stupidwhat ifs,as though they can change anything.