Page 14

Huddled inside and wrapped in my bedspread, I’m sitting with the balcony door cracked open. The touch of winter cools the tears on my cheeks, and one hour bleeds into two, then three and four, until sobriety is the harbinger of agony once again.

It should have been you on that plane.

Those eight words won’t stop looping in my head, searing me with even more guilt. What I said was cruel and unforgivable, though I have no doubt Liam will forgive me.

You don’t deserve him.

The accusing voice in my head sounds like my own, uttering a merciless verdict that drags me to my feet. No matter how hard I try, I can’t escape my own mind or the chaos it holds. Panic claws at my windpipe, making each inhale a hard-won victory. I’m so exhausted from hurting, fighting, and surviving inside these isolating walls.

Circular walls without end.

Just like this pain.

And yet, even as I drown, my limbs move on instinct. My chest heaves as I secure the blanket around my shoulders, fingers gripping soft cashmere. I’m not sure how I end up in the elevator, but the trip to the main floor passes in a frantic blur. I fling myself outside, bare feet sinking into powdery snow, and the panic subsides by a degree. There’s only one way out of this nightmare.

Escape.

Freedom.

Painless existence.

Those four words are my mantra, driving me forward with every beat of my shattered heart. My footsteps taint the perfection of untouched snow as I trek across the grounds, and despite the blanket of white powder covering the terrain, the scenery is achingly familiar. My soul recognizes this path, finding meaning and home—so much so that the core of my being senses the ghost of its mate.

Because I feel Sebastian watching me from the ninth floor of the tower, his crystalline gaze following my every move. The House of Leo has never been so barren, yet his essence wraps around me in a warm and loving shield. I imagine him painting my grief-stricken likeness onto a canvas, and the corners of my mouth creep up. I can see it so clearly, his portrait of my cold existence stroked to life in shades of dreary grey.

Winter melancholy.

Somehow, Sebastian would make such a scene beautiful.

“It’s going to be okay, baby.”

Whether it’s a memory, wishful thinking, or the whisper of his ghost, I want to believe that everything in my world will be warm and light and whole again. As I approach my favorite spot on the cliffs, I do believe it, because the thunderous ocean always soothes me.

Icy wind sends my hair flying, stinging my cheeks, but I don’t feel the cold anymore. Waves crash against the rocks with a fierceness that mirrors the storm on my heels, but in this violent collision of water and stone, I find the impossible.

Peace.

Tilting my head back, I close my eyes and let the thick snowflakes cleanse my skin. The blanket falls off my shoulders, and I take a step forward, unafraid for the first time since Liam said the most horrifying words of my life…

“Their plane went down.”

The freezing air swirls around me, whispering dark promises, and I brace myself to just…

Let go.

I sway forward, my heart failing to beat, and that’s when I’m yanked back by two strong arms.

“No!” I cry as someone drags me away from the edge. For five endless seconds, I can’t get my vocal cords to work, and then…

I’m screaming and struggling with every ounce of strength I have in me. “Let me go!”

“Never,” Liam says.

“Put me down!” I shout, digging my nails into his forearms.

“No!” he roars right back.

My legs scissor through the air, causing him to stumble. “Why’d you have to follow me? Just let me go!”