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But goddamnit.

Why am I confused and fucking conflicted?

Am I hyper-focused on it because Gilli’s a disturbance? I’m the one in control of my reality, and although I can’t pull the strings of everyone in it, I know when to go and when to stay. If someone pisses me off and I’m not doing business with them, I leave. It’s simple.

So why can’t I make peace with that?

Gilli is a destroyer of peace, that’s why.

I grab the tackle box and my fishing rod. The trees aren’t as full as they’ll be in the peak of summer, allowing more sunlight to dapple the rocky shore. A large boulder to the right looks like the perfect place to set up my gear.

There’s no one else around.

When the lakefront properties first were offered for sale, my father, selfish prick that he is, had the bright idea to snatch them up. All of them.

Premium real estate, he’d told my mother in those days. A good investment for the future.

Now his acumen provides us our own natural playground without too many neighbors getting in the way of the silence. People out here like their space and privacy.

I grab one of the lures from the tackle box and thread it through the end of the line. Fishing usually calms me down, although I rarely keep anything I catch. I’m more of a catch and release guy outside of a few trout when I’m hungry.

Today my fingers tremble.

Once the lure is set, I draw on the rubber boots all the way to my thighs and wade out past a few dead tree trunks in the water. The day is shaping up to be clear and perfect with more hints of spring in the budding maples along the bank.

Gilli and Aiden were standing in the water last night and probably freezing her tits and his testicles off.

Why do I give a shit?

It’s never bothered me before, what Aiden does. Gilli hasn’t been in my life despite our legal ties, and it seems like both of us work to keep it that way.

I swing the rod over my shoulder and cast out, letting it fly before it lands in the water with a softplink.

I’ve witnessed how Aiden reels in his catches. We’ve even shared a time or two, on rare occasions when we both had our sights set on the same woman and found her amenable to taking us both. It’s nothing new. But he can have any chick he wants. He can reconnect with a handful of others from his past if he wants.

Why is he dead fucking set on Gilli?

The absolutely horrendous resentment inside of me makes me force myself into motion.

I should be nicer to her.

She’s not leaving. That much is clear from the past couple of days. If we keep butting heads, it’s going to ruin the rest of my vacation.

But I can’t quite shake the desire to hurt her emotionally. And through her, the woman who destroyed my family. It’s vengeance for my mother. Redemption for her.

Even when I know it’s not Gilli’s fault.

She’s available. She’s right in front of me. She’sthere, giving me back what I’m dishing out round after round after round.

I probably should’ve packed camping equipment to stay out by the lake tonight. To give myself a bit more breathing room. I’m hot under the collar in more ways than one.

We’re definitely headed for a split, I think with a snort. But I won’t lose. It’s become a huge part of my adulthood.

“I can’t back down and I can’t make her leave,” I say out loud.

By the same token, I’m not willing to go either. So, which one of us will break first?

It’slate afternoon when I pull the utility vehicle to a stop in front of the cabin. Aiden’s truck is gone and the house quiet as a tomb.